|
Dear Swami:
Isn’t John Kerry just another rich white guy? After all, both he and George Bush were members of that infamous secret society at Yale, Skull & Bones. And didn’t he use his wife’s deep pocketbook when he needed to win in Iowa? I’d personally be more inclined to vote for you, Swami, a man of clearly humble beginnings.
Waylon Wall,
San Antonio, Texas
Dear Waylon:
Well, it is true that John Kerry used Heinz money to play ketchup when he was behind earlier this year, but personally I’d rather have a guy owe a favor to his wife than to ... let’s say, Ken Lay. If you’re gonna be beholden, you might as well be beholden to someone you’d be holdin’ anyway. As for your elitist charge, I resemble that remark. While I do hail from humble beginnings -- my dad actually owned a Humble gas station in Muskogee, Oklahoma when I was a kid -- my spiritual precocity got me into Yale. I was both psychic and dyslexic, and could predict the past with unerring accuracy. I could go back in time and see exactly what the test questions were going to be.
Being dyslexic wasn’t a problem until I tried to pledge a fraternity. Yes, I had political ambitions myself in those days. I was so thrilled when I thought I had been tapped to join Skull & Bones, but after spending half a semester sitting around discussing literature and eating crumpets with nerdy classmates, I realized I’d made a mistake and joined Bull & Scones instead.
But don’t cry for me, Argentina. And whatever you do, don’t vote for me! If I win, I’ll only ask for a recount. So which rich white guy should you vote for? I’ll give you a hint. When Ronald Reagan passed away, we lost a Republican ex-President, and now there is a vacancy. May we fill that vacancy with another Republican ex-President this coming fall.
Should We Be Doing More With Less?
Dear Swami:
For years, environmentalists have been talking about doing more with less, and that seems right up my alley, considering I lost my job and my apartment, and just about all of my possessions have been repossessed. I now have nothing, and am virtually homeless. Any advice, Swami?
Lucinda Street,
Brooklyn, New York
Dear Lucinda:
You’ve come to the right Swami. Not only have I been doing more with less, I have been doing a whole lot with nothing. Seeing the success I’ve had with my Sound of Silence Meditation Tape, I’ve branched out into an entire line of products that cost nothing to make, use up no resources whatsoever, and are completely recyclable and renewable.
Because of the proliferations of toxins in our environment, many people suffer from environmental allergies -- like those who cannot stand to be around any kind of perfume. For their benefit I have come up with a completely odorless cologne! And I am marketing it under the brand name, Non-Scents.
But back to your situation. My advice is, begin by looking on the bright side. With no possessions, you have thrown off the yoke of consumerism. And having nothing, you can be completely worry-free because you have nothing to lose. You are free from car payments, insurance payments, and utility payments. With nothing to worry about, you are free to hire yourself out to the multitudes of others who are burdened with worries, and charge them each a modest fee to do their worrying for them. I mean, what do you care? It’s not your worry, it’s theirs. And with even just a few dollars a day from even a small portion of all the worried people in Brooklyn, you can make a pretty nice living as a mercenary worrier.
Dear Swami:
Have you heard about those laughter clubs they have in India? They say that laughter has proven to be good for your health.
Juan Leiner
Coral Gables, Florida
Dear Juan:
Laughter clubs? Well, if they have to actually club you to make you laugh, then it’s for the better. It has been scientifically proven that laughter is good for you. There is the now-famous experiment where a group of college students were put in a room and given hilarious comedy videos to watch.
Meanwhile, another group of students were put in another room. This group had to memorize Croatian parables, and they were given an electric shock each time they made a mistake. The results were conclusive. The group watching the comedy had more fun.
© Copyright 2004 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Visit Swami online at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com. And check out his latest book, Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction. Order it online or call (800) SWAMI-BE.
BeyondaNew
s ...
Swami for Precedent Tour is Launched
...and It Really IS a Campaign
Dear Friends:
If you ordered the Swami for Precedent book, you’ve probably gotten your copies by now -- and if you haven’t ordered, well we’ve gone into a second printing to accomodate you. The new website design is still about a week away, but you can still go to http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/cgi-bin/thatsanorder_LE and get ten copies, three copies or one copy if you print ONE COPY PLEASE in the Comments space -- $19 includes shipping. Since all the credit card orders are hand-run by me or my assistant, you can indeed order them by the each. And you can still get them autographed.
And yes, this really is a campaign. The Swami is heaven-bent on regime change, not just in the short overhaul but over the long haul as well. Like it or don’t, America has the exact regime that reflects our collective consciousness. So if we don’t like what we currently have, we have some work to do. And mind-opening comedy and heart-opening laughter will help!
By now you’ve either seen Fahrenheit 9/11 or know someone who has. Everybody has an opinion about Michael Moore, so here is mine: He deserves our utmost respect as a truth-teller for his breaking through the soundless barrier at the Oscar Awards last year. At a time when seemingly everyone was cowed into submission, Michael looked right at the camera and spoke his truth: The election was stolen, and were at war under false pretenses. Both these assertions have been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt -- unless you’re like the woman who said to a friend of mine, “Well, it may be true but I don’t believe it.”
Yes, laughter helps and Swami is going all out between now and November 2nd. Like Michael Moore, Swami is looking to enfranchise disenfranchised and disenchanted voters. Unlike Michael Moore, Swami’s book and message actually offers a positive direction that transcends party politics. Here’s how you can participate:
Help promote the book. In a week or so, we will be doing a massive mailing which, if you choose, you can forward to your list. Since the Swami cannot be everywhere at once, the book will be the most efficient way to get his message out. Know any organizations that want to use them as fund raisers? Any bookstores? If you want to sell copies yourself, just respond to this email.
Help us find venues for the Swami for Precedent World Win Tour. This month, we’ll be in Virginia and Maryland, and doing five shows on four islands in Hawaii. Next month, we’re having the official book launch in L.A. and are looking for audiences in California. If you or your organization can produce an audience of 150 or more, the Swami will be there ... and he’ll do voter registration as well.
In the fall, we have shows scheduled in California, New Mexico, and the midwest ... and we’re looking to make appearances in the so-called “swing states” (and if necessary, we’ll go to the “polka states” too). We still have some weekends available, so if you have an organization that wishes to sponsor a Swami-for-Precedent show ... please contact us by email as soon as possible.
Swami is available for Invisible Appearances as well. Huh? That’s right. What with his being in such great demand -- and limited supply -- the Swami can now “appear” at your next event without appearing. Thanks to the magic of modern electronic media, the Swami can throw his voice anywhere and everywhere simultaneously. And his hilarious and inspiring message can enhance your meeting, conference, or living room event -- especially if it involves voter registration.
Between now and election day, the Swami’s mission is to turn millions of unregistered devotees into registered votees! If you’re doing a voter registration event -- either as part of an organization or in your living room -- Swami is available for an invisible appearance. Respond to this email for more information.
May we all wake up laughing and wake up loving ...
May the Farce be with you,
Steve Bhaerman
http://www.wakeuplaughing.com
|
|
