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Healing & Alternative Health
Dr. Carson's Holistic Animal Care:
Companion Animal
Crisis & Loss
by Kathleen M. Carson, D.V.M |
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Do Any of These Situations Apply to You?
*Your companion animal has been diagnosed with cancer, kidney failure, congestive heart failure, or other serious disease.
* Your older companion animal is stiff, lame, confused, forgetful, with reduced hearing and sight. You’re wondering about quality of life.
*Your animal has been seriously injured in an automobile accident, natural disaster, or other traumatic event.
*You are losing your companion animal because of a divorce or a move.
*Your companion animal is lost or has been stolen.
*Your companion animal has already died or has had to be euthanized.
Possibly or actually losing your furry, feathered, or scaly friend brings up feelings of grief, loss, confusion, anger, guilt. Scientists studying the human-animal bond over the last 20 years have come to the conclusion that losing a beloved animal companion is emotionally comparable to losing a child. That is, it is a devastating loss.
Those of us who love and live with animals already know this. It is nice, however, to have the “experts” state the fact, for maybe that will begin to enlighten non-animal lovers about the severe emotional pain which such a loss can bring about. This is greatly needed, for it is not unusual for a person who has lost a companion animal to be told by a well-meaning acquaintance, “It was only a dog (or cat or bird, etc). You can always get another one.” Would anyone dare say that to someone who has lost a child??
Our animals mean even more to us now than in the past. Our high divorce rate and/or the nomadic life many careers force on people leave many without the close-knit support of family and longtime friends and neighbors. A companion animal is often the most consistently loving supporter a person has, staying through marriage and divorce, job changes, children leaving home, financial losses, illness and getting older. He or she is nonjudgmental, loving us even if we aren’t in the best mood, don’t feel well, or neglect them because of our busy lifestyles. Thus, the loss of this beloved companion can be excruciating, and it is worsened if those close to us don’t understand our grief.
This grief is felt not only after our animal has died. It starts whenever disease, injury, or old age bring the possibility of death. This type of grief is called anticipatory grief. I feel that not enough emphasis is placed on anticipatory grief. It’s just as real as the grief one feels after a loved one’s actual death.
When our companion animal has a potentially fatal illness or injury, or when old age brings increasing debility and discomfort, we need to make some crucial decisions regarding his or her care. Anticipatory grief can interfere with this. Denial, the first of the stages of grief as outlined by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), can blind us to the seriousness of the situation. As denial eases up, other roiling emotions can cause confusion and otherwise cloud our minds, especially if decisions have to be made quickly. Medical terms can be confusing. Veterinary medical diagnostics and treatments can be very expensive, and it can be agonizing to have financial limitations when the care of a beloved companion is being decided; guilt often rears its ugly head here.
Eventually, the decision of whether or not to euthanize has to be considered. Euthanasia, which means peaceful death, is a real blessing in that it prevents prolonged suffering when the situation is hopeless. However, whether or when to euthanize is also one of the hardest decisions a person can be called upon to make in a lifetime. Many clients over the years have said to me, “I’m having to play God!”
It is very rare that the decision is clear-cut or black-and-white; usually one deals with shades of gray. One can usually always point to some hopeful signs which seem to
make the picture less bleak (“he ate yesterday” or “she got up and walked to her water dish” or “he played with his ball”). However, these can be straws one clings to. Often, one is on a virtual roller coaster ride where one’s animal does pretty well one day but seems in bad shape the next (only to be better the day after that.) One needs to look at the whole picture. I would tell my clients to think of some scales. Put all the things which are positive on one side and the negative on the other; when the latter outweighs the former, it’s close to the time the decision must be made.
I also firmly believe that, if one is open to hearing the message, our animals will tell us when it is time. We have very close ties with those we love, and, if we can put aside our own grief and fear of loss to “hear” the truth, our animals will let us know. It may come as a look in their eyes, or it may be more of an intuitive knowledge that they no longer wish to stay.
A person whose animal is in crisis or has died needs caring and support. This needs to first come from the animal’s veterinarian and veterinary support staff. It is crucial that the doctor and staff understand what their patient’s human family members are going through. They need to explain things clearly in terms which are understandable, outlining what needs to be done, both in terms of diagnosis and treatment. Various options usually have to be considered, and these need to be explained so that the person can make informed decisions. Perhaps most crucial of all is that they communicate their caring and understanding and support. No time is more crucial for this than when euthanasia must be seriously considered.
With the increased awareness of the importance of the human-animal bond, most veterinarians and their staff do very good jobs in these areas. However, if you feel you aren’t getting the information and support you need from your veterinarian, you may have to change veterinarians until you find what you and your animal need.
There are also other resources you can look to. There are an increasing number of hot lines, support groups, and therapists to help those going through the grief process. As outlined above, these are needed not only after the death of a companion animal but as soon as the possiblity of loss comes about.
As much as is possible, stay away from people who don’t understand what you’re going through. You often will receive support where least expected. I’ve had people tell me that their family didn’t understand, but, when a co-worker found out about their loss,
they were very understanding and caring. It is like finding an oasis in a desert to find someone who knows what you’re going through, who doesn’t judge you, who just listens. It is amazing how much relief this can bring, and it allows one to be more clearheaded when making crucial decisions. One can also get good ideas from other people who have trod the path ahead of you. You do not have to be alone in this painful time.
Recommended Books:
Note: there are many excellent books on dealing with pet loss. Below are a few of my favorites.
When Your Pet Dies: How to Cope with Your Feelings
by Jamie Quackenbush
Note: this is my favorite book on this subject. It is out of print, but many libraries carry it.
Blessing the Bridge: What Animals Teach Us About Death, Dying, and Beyond
by Rita M. Reynolds
Grieving the Loss of a Pet
by Betty J. Carmack
Animal Pawprints: Reflections on Loving and Losing a Canine Companion
by Laurel E. Hunt
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
by Judith Viorst
When a Pet Dies
by Fred Rogers
For Every Dog An Angel
by Christine Davis
Other Resources:
www.petloss.com Pet Loss Grief Support, Rainbow Bridge, Monday Candle Ceremony,
Note: this website has a candle-lighting ceremony Monday evening
http://www.deltasociety.org/dsn000.html Delta Society Pet Loss and Bereavement Resources
http://www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/ccab/petloss.html UCDavis Pet Loss Resources
Following is a popular piece which has helped many:
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
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Dr. Kathleen Carson, DVM
Veterinarian & Author
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Dr. Carson received her Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree from the University of California at Davis in 1968. She's been a small animal practitioner (dogs and cats ) for all the years since, except for a short stint at the San Diego Zoo when she first graduated.
She belongs to the American Veterinary Medical Association and the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association.
Since 1974 she's lived and practiced in the South Bay Area near Los Angeles. She started the area's first house call practice in 1976 and the first pet crisis/loss group in 1989. The human-animal bond is of special interest to her.
She started exploring complementary veterinary medicine in 1987. Her practice became 100% holistic in 1996. She utilizes acupuncture, herbs, supplements, Bach Flower Remedies, homeopathic remedies, nutrition and medications for her patients in her practice.
She's currently taking a leave of absence from her house call practice due to health reasons but continues to do phone consultations and to write.
E-mail:
Critterhlr@aol.com
website:
http://www.holistic
vetconsult.com
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