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In Practice: How to Create a Successful Holistic Practice from Start to Success!
Vampires and Betrayal
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by Shaun Brown |
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Happy Halloween! It's my favorite holiday-maybe it's a Scorpio thing. It is a perfect time for the Vampire to arrive! Understanding what a vampire is, their belief system, and why you would choose to let them go is important for us to dissect. As well as how the act of betrayal is a gift and how this dynamic teaches you discernment. Don't be frightened it's all a good thing!
"Vampires"
The unhealthiest client one can acquire, and this will continue until you learn to let this type go, is the "sucky," needy, "vampire." Their belief system states that they can't get a direct connection with the Life Force or - Higher Power - by themselves. They don't feel worthy on some level, and must get someone else to connect for them. If the practitioner isn't alert, they could become an energetic host. The "vampire" will "suck" the life out of the host usually by using distracting, dramatic conversation causing the therapist to go off center. The belief that the vampire needs a host for staying alive usually stems from being taught about a punishing, unapproachable God in early childhood or, just plain sloth. They lack the discipline to pray and meditate, and find their own Life force connection. You don't mind being a host do you?
"Vampire" Traits
The following lists ways to recognize "vampires."
1. The "vampire" arrives at your business later than ten minutes consistently, wanting you to honor that time just one more time. This is a form of control and attention getting. This is usually attached with a mini-drama just in case your time hasn't been taken up enough.
2. They don't show up at all, and don't call or they call to reschedule as if nothing is amiss. They are asking you to take the financial hit instead of them. This is usually attached with a mini-drama just in case your time hasn't been taken up enough.
3. "Vampires" are always in a crisis or in the process of setting one up. They do not have any boundaries and do not expect you to have any either. They expect you to listen to "wound" after "wound," sounding like a broken record. Not only does this "suck" the life force out of you because it keeps you distracted enough to be pulled off your center, BUT ALSO you cannot stay in your own present time. Staying in present time is the same as staying connected to your Life Force. The professional gets in trouble by becoming too involved in an unproductive drama and not staying on the task of moving forward. Neither party is grounded in their own truth. "Crazy making," with no sense, follows suit.
The professional can start feeling that they are becoming the client's problem once the unhealthy bond starts to be noticed and the therapist energetically starts backing away. This feeling of being threatened is an attempt from the "vampire" to re-hook you back into the tempest by playing on your fears of confrontation. This of course is just a boundary test for you.
4. The "vampire" is emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically drained. That works well for them as they play the victim part. When they leave your presence you will feel the same, because you have traded your serenity for their drama. You don't mind do you?
5. "Vampires" want you to "fix" them because they do not choose to take care of themselves. You cannot "fix" anyone. If you do not have strong self-esteem boundaries you might just start thinking that you are "that Powerful." Professionals that have not worked on their self-esteem and boundaries can be led to believe by this type, that they are a "guru" and are the only ones to help them. Only because they have probably exhausted all of the other professionals on the Earth. Make no mistake, the client needs to be made very aware that the healing ability resides in them, and that you are merely an observer holding sacred space for them regardless of your craft.
In my personal experience, I will work on a "vampire" if they appear to be progressing out of that paradigm. If they exhibit positive changes in their behavior, or they seek to, and initiate tools to better their lives, there might be hope. I have rarely experienced this. This "non-vampire" change constitutes "choice." Conscientiously choosing not to be a "vampire" takes awareness that you are one. "Vampires" usually stay in denial until something catastrophic cracks their denial shell. Before that, they think their behavior is working for them. On some level it is working to keep everybody away. And what is their biggest fear? Abandonment and Connection.
If they continue to feel the need to "suck" my energy with no growth, they will not be rescheduled. I simply tell them that I am not their therapist and bless them on their way. At this point in my experience, vampires don't even call for an appointment. My boundaries are so healthy that I am invisible to them. I am not even detectable on their radar screen. Vampires were in my life to teach me healthy boundaries. Once I chose to remove them with Grace by telling them either in person or by letter, that I just wasn't their therapist, they stopped showing up in my life.
The Devil's in the Details
Please don't refer vampires to anyone else. When they ask what they should do next, and they will, just tell them it really is their decision to chose their own direction. When choosing to remove a vampire from your books, they will wonder how the decision was made to "all of a sudden" stop the relationship. In your head, you have been trying to figure out how to remove them for weeks, even months!
If you have allowed this client to continue because you did not recognize the disorder early enough, sometimes you might start feeling threatened by their awareness that you are terminating them, or at least you might feel that there is a possibility of them confronting you for letting them go. They might say, "Well what brought this on?" Again, this is merely a plea to try to see if you will engage in psychic warfare, you become the bad guy for letting them go, and they get to be the victim once again.
The hardest thing we as caregivers hate is "the silence" after inserting a healthy boundary. We say, "I am just not qualified to help you any longer, so take care." Then what we want to do is somehow start explaining to that person the "whys" because what we really want is for the other person to say it's ok. Guess what folks? It won't happen and now we have put ourselves in a position to get all hooked up again.
The main reasons most practitioners keep "vampires" as clients is their fear of losing money and/or confrontation. But the worst part in all of this for the therapist is that they carry a resentment and hope that the vampire will change because they don't want to be the ender. Get comfortable with inserting a boundary and then zipping your lips. After stating your boundary just be with the uncomfortable silence. It will get easier the next time if there is one.
The test is to keep "vampires" out of your business so that the clients who truly need your assistance can be scheduled. "Vampires" will not even show up as your healthy boundaries develop. Once you send a vampire away, even though it tugs on your co-dependency strings, it will be much easier to recognize this dynamic from then on. It is kind of like sticking your hand in a flame, it is less likely that you will do that again. Unless you are really off, then I suggest that you read the part about seeking counseling again….smile.
Exorcising The Vampire
You do not need to explain yourself to a vampire other than the fact that you are just not their therapist- enough said. If you detach by sending them a letter stating that you just aren't qualified to handle their situation that is appropriate too. Expect a phone call. Continue the mantra-I am just not qualified to handle your situation-zip it! Get off of the phone. The vampire has a penchant to see if there might be one last way for them to hook in. This is usually attached with a mini-drama just in case your time hasn't been taken up enough. This is quite a laughing matter once you have developed a sense of humor and understand just why a vampire is a vampire. Remember, being a vampire is a choice.
Keeping a vampire serves neither you nor them because it is not a relationship based on honesty. Sometimes, when first developing a healthy business, it takes time and guts to let a "vampire" go. Don't question your boundaries. Detach from the emotion when removing a "vampire." Be discerning it's just healthy business sense.
Discernment-
The act or process of exhibiting keen insight and good judgment-Dictionary.com
Betrayal is Required
I feel the need to explain the term discernment in depth. How do we acquire it and how important is it to integrate this experience into our senses? Discernment, regarding the soundness of the spoken word allows us to choose who we do and don't want in our practice and in our lives. Discernment requires the experience of some form of betrayal. This is an interesting concept. It states that you have given someone something very fragile and vulnerable and they have not seen the value of or have not honored that something to your expectations.
Trust has been dashed by a person that you have chosen to confide in. It is usually a heart sharing of something you value. Betrayal involves some emotional investment and emotions are a very expensive commodity. No one experiences the act of betrayal by accident.
Somewhere along the line, your sacred information has been shared with the motive to appear better, luckier, loftier, whatever the adjective. Betrayal always takes place when there is an imbalance of equal energy between two people in the relationship. One wants Power from the other, and it can go back and forth. Any relationship based on this model will serve up betrayal.
The act of betrayal teaches you to choose or not to choose to gain the ability to discern. It teaches you to hold your life force with respect and not blow it in all directions as if it were expendable. The Life Force is a gift. I will come back to the concept of discernment in a minute.
Your Word
Your word is all you have. The intention of the words you speak makes your thoughts and actions create what your third dimension, or Earth plane reality is going to look and resonate like.
If you live in a world of Truth tellers, there is a good chance that you are probably a Truth teller. If you live in a world of people that express half-Truths there is a pretty good chance you do too. This is good to know, because you can change the perception of your world if it isn't what you want, by changing your vibration. It is the vibration of your intentions, when you speak, that transforms your ethereal vibration into the physical Earth plane. The spoken word creates your reality.
When listening to a radio, you hear the sound of classical music and cannot see the notes. The vibration of the music reaches you and you absorb it anyway without seeing the sound waves coming at you. When someone is coming toward you and they are yelling, you cannot see the vibration but you feel it within a short distance. You don't see the vibration but you are affected by it.
When someone doesn't speak a clear truth you know it. You can sense that the message isn't sound. You may not be able to pinpoint the specific reason but it just "feels" off. This happens as the receptors in your chakra system detect the unsoundness. Usually this notation stems from you having been the same untruth vibration and that particular vibration is now stored in your brain for future reference. Your information banks have logged the half-Truth experience as a memory experience, even though you have moved on. Or you recognize that you have the same half-truth as the individual speaking, and haven't moved on at all, it somehow still feels comfortable to you.
After understanding the spoken word as a vibration let's get back to discernment. The ability to discern whether or not someone has a sound vibration is a protective filter. It will keep you from getting sucked into someone's black hole, and is a way to choose whether or not you want to associate with this person or not. This is called discernment. When you are discerning about the people you associate with, you choose the ones who are going forward in service and practicing self-care too. You grow as fast as the people with whom you surround yourself.
In order to learn discernment, you have to dive into the human gene pool. Don't be afraid to live your life and be a part of the group. The betrayers will show up. Unless you have been bitten by one and have parts missing, you won't respect staying clear of them. Choose healthier people in your life and learn to speak your Truth. Once the experience of being betrayed has occurred there is a certain "knowing" hopefully, that can be used to create healthier boundaries.
Be You
Betrayal will not occur if you learn to speak only your truth and not the lower vibration of gossip. AND watch the "better than" attitude, even if your ego is being stroked by ones that perceive themselves to have no Power other than to turn on you. The betrayer will display envy and lack of courage, while stroking your ego. They live vicariously through your life they dare not risk for themselves. The dance of betrayal is brought on by your boasting.
Arrogance is a sure sign that attracts betrayers and will guarantee that pride does go before the fall. The act of betrayal in itself is a gift. This "present" either forces you to continue holding on to betrayers in your life as self-abuse, or to let them go and grow toward a healthier, happier life that truly attracts healthy people too.
By the way, you too will also betray someone in some way. It's all in the vibration ask me how I know? Be kind to yourself, practice self-care, have a Halloween party, invite those who honor you and vice versa. Oh yes, and make sure that the guests that come as vampires are merely in costume!
The next issue: The greatest prayer is thank you. Pray and be thankful for the skill and understanding of Communication, boundaries for yourself for others and the ability to humbly Serve.
Maybe you have some thoughts and ideas that you would like to share with me? Please feel free to email me at shaun@BeWellPublications.com. Visit/ENROLL on-line at BeWellVirtualCollege.com, educational courseware for the successful holistic professional!
My new column "Create A Successful Holistic Business," will add a little more spice this coming year as I add Life Skill Lessons along with the usual Business Advice.
Making a living, making a difference, staying in balance.
BeWell, shaun
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Shaun Brown,
Holistic Therapist,
Author and Consultant
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Shaun Brown has been self employed most of her adult life. She has an AA degree in General Business and a Bachelor of Arts Degree from University of California, Sacramento, in Communications. Her main focus of education is in advertising, promotion and production. Ms. Brown attended the Health Awareness Academy, in Fair Oaks, California, has practiced bodywork therapy since 1993 and has taught holistic related classes since 1994.
Ms. Brown works, with a team of professionals, including physicians and other health care providers, as well as volunteering her time to work at Mercy Hospice. Her focus is the care of people working in high stress environments, and those suffering from injuries due to a variety of causes.
She is the best selling author of “How To Create A Successful Holistic Practice,” and her newest current release is titled, “Intentional Success-A Workbook For The Holistic Therapist.” Ms. Brown currently has a successful holistic practice in Orangevale, California, is an author, speaker, columnist and consultant. To read a chapter/purchase her books/schedule a workshop visit
www.BeWellPublications.
com
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