Swami

Every year I do my State of the Universe Address, and every year it's pretty much the same thing. The Universe is doing fine, thank you, purring in perfection, humming along swimmingly, ever-changing as always. The state of the Universe ... is sublime.

The state of our world ... is sub-lemon. Indeed, we must wonder sometimes if there is some kind of Universal Lemon Law that will allow us to trade in this old beater of a karma for a shiny new one. Indeed, for centuries, good and well-meaning people have attempted to attune into Divine through various spiritual practices. And yet, despite all of our heavenly aspirations, we humans seem hell-bent on ... hell.

A Holy War in the Holy Land - Holy Cow!

Take the Middle East - please! Three supposedly grown-up religions - they've been around for millennia, for God's sake - fighting over whose plan for peace will dominate. If you were to survey the Holy War in the Holy Land and exclaim, "Holy cow!" ... you would be absolutely right. Because there are those who believe that breeding an actual "holy cow" is what will save the world.

According to Jewish tradition, in order for the Messiah to come, the Third Temple must be built. And what's holding back building the Third Temple -- aside from those pesky Muslims having claimed the area for their temple -- is that in order to set foot on the site, Jews must first be ritually purified, and in order for this purification to take place, not just any calf -- but a red calf -- must be sacrificed. Now a pure red heifer is apparently as rare as a purple cow, and no fair using artificial coloring. After all, how can you kill a calf that's already dyed?

Throughout history the Jews have tended to be fatalistic about the Messiah thing. Not so some fundamentalist Christians. They say, "Hey, if we can breed a red calf, we can make the Messiah come!" Never mind that it sounds like the young child vigorously wagging his dog's tail saying, "I want my dog to be happy." These folks are serious, and it has led to a "holy alliance" between a Catholic rancher in Nebraska, a Pentecostal minister from Mississippi, and an Orthodox rabbi in Israel to breed a literal sacred cow. No kidding. They've all become friends, and it is certainly heartening to see a Protestant, a Catholic and a Jew working together to bring about the end of the world.

From Talkie-Talkie to Walkie-Talkie

My guru Harry Cohen Baba was once asked if prayer healed everything, and he told the following Zen Cohen: For thirty years, a devout Jewish man would go to the Wailing Wall every day and pray for peace. Without fail, rain or shine, no matter what the circumstances, this dedicated man offered his prayer. A reporter from the Jerusalem Post found out about it, and interviewed the man. "I am truly impressed," she told him. "Tell me, what is it like going to the Wailing Wall every day for thirty years and praying for peace?"
"It's like talking to a &#$%&# wall!" he replied.

Yes, at some point there must be a transition from the metaphysical to the physical, so that the talkie-talkie becomes a walkie-talkie. At a time when loving kindness is so in demand, I recommend practicing supply-side spirituality in our daily doings. Now those folks working ardently to grow the red heifer -- I have no beef with them. But what if all that work and love and effort went into improving reality instead of ending it?

Help me with this one, please. If these people already know exactly how everything is going to turn out, why are they even bothering to live through it? I am reminded of an interchange between two enlightened teachers, the sportscaster Howard Cosell, and the baseball great Willie Mays. "We're talking with Willie Mays," said Howard. "Willie, lemme ask you this. Are you going to lead the league in homers again this year?"

And Willie Mays, with Yogi-like wisdom, replied, "I dunno, Howard. That's what we're gonna play the season to find out." And what those of us who believe in Nonjudgment Day and
Disarmageddon are playing the season to find out is, can we create the field of dreams where the Messiah cannot help but show up? And wouldn't it be funny if, in the process of building the Messiah's natural habitat, we found out that we ARE the Messiah? Personally, I think the old time religions kind of missed the boat on this one. We are not here to earn God's love, we are here to spend it!

And what better way to spend it than mining gold and sharing it with all. While most of us weren't paying attention, alchemists quietly boiled every religion down to its essence, and what do you know? All of the essences are essentially the same. It all boils down to a variation of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And if you don't believe me, here is the same Golden essence expressed in eight different ways:

The Golden Rule Rules!

Buddhism. Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
Udana-Varga 5,1

Christianity. All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye so to them; for this is the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:1

Confucianism. Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no resentment against you, either in the family or in the state.
Analects 12:2

Hinduism. This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you.
Mahabharata 5,1517

Islam. No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.
Sunnah

Judaism. What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary.
Talmud, Shabbat 3id

Taoism. Regard your neighbor's gain as your gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss.
Tai Shang Kan Yin P'ien

Zoroastrianism. That nature alone is good which refrains from doing another whatsoever is not good for itself.
Dadisten-I-dinik, 94,5

(Adapted from "The Christopher Newsletter")

Do you think they're trying to tell us something? What if enlightened religious leaders of the world said, "Let's cut the B.S.,

and make the Golden Rule our golden ruler." I say if we threw everything else away, and did just this, we'd do more than improve reality. We'd reap a world win!

Excerpted from Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body

Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction.
© Copyright 2004 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. To find out
more about the Swami and his new book, please visit him online at

http://www.wakeuplaughing.com or call the Swami hotline at (800) SWAMI-BE.

In a message dated 8/23/04 7:30:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time, info@wakeuplaughing.com writes:

BeyondaNews

The SWAMI for PRECEDENT Campaign
It Really IS a Campaign!

Dear Friends:

Yes, folks. It really is a campaign. At this pivotal time in history, when “left” and “right” have become inadequate and dysfunctional distinctions, the Swami points us in a new direction ... up! From the higher perspective of levity, the Swami enlightens, encourages and empowers the body politic to go for true regime change, and create a healthy, sustainable and just society. And now is the time -- because it’s too late to do it sooner!

“The American Evolution begins when we the People fire the first Big Shot.”
-- Swami Beyondananda

Defeating the Bush cadre this November is a significant positive milestone that will shift the momentum in a healing direction. It will be a “win” for progressive activism, and will create an opening for odd solutions that are a true alternative to getting even. Those who have awakened will not go back to sleep, nor will they be satisfied with “Bush Lite.” The kind of regime change we’ve been talking about, what Swami calls “government of the people, by the people and for the people where the government does our bidding not the bidding of the highest bidder,” is not only possible, it is necessary.

Not yet convinced we need to re-defeat George Bush?
Click here for 82 reasons … and counting:

http://www.truthout.org/docs_04/082104C.shtml

Join Our World Win Campaign!

Last year, as millions massed worldwide to protest the invasion of Iraq, former U.N. Secretary General Robert Muller declared that we now have two super powers: The United States and the people of the world who are demanding peace and justice. Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money, was recently traveling overseas. A woman took her by the arm and implored her, “Tell the American people they are voting not just for themselves in this election, but for the 6.3 billion people on the planet.”

All of a sudden it’s not about one insignificant vote, but a vote on behalf of the planet and all our relations. Our mission for the next two-and-a-half months is to educate and empower voters, and enroll them in his two-step program where we the people choose a New Precedent:

1. De-Elect the misleader.
2. Become the leaders we’ve been missing.

And … perhaps most important of all, do it laughing all the way. After all, anyone who reads the news knows there’s definitely something funny going on. So why not wake up laughing?

Here’s How You Can Help Swami Turn Devotees Into Votees

1. Get Swami’s book, Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction (Click here to see excerpts

http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/precedent.html

This book is a tool to educate, enlighten, encourage and empower your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. Even though the book is about a very precedential election, the platform is “evergreen.”

2. You or your group can sponsor a home voter registration / education / inspiration party with Swami’s soon-to-be released DVD, “Tickling the Body Politic.” This comedy DVD will be available September 7th, so start planning your events. You’ll be able to see some excerpts on this website soon. You can even get Swami books, CDs and DVDs to sell at these events, and keep (or donate) 40% of the proceeds.

3. If you resonate with this mission, forward the email message about his new book to your list – a personal note would be even more helpful. Link to our website. Tell us about any networks who might want to know about what we’re doing. And vice versa. Remember, there’s no defense against heart-opening, mind-expanding humor.

4. Participate financially. One way to do this is by buying books in quantity – 50, 100, 1,000 or more – and we’ll donate them to the organization of your choice for them to sell and raise funds. Think of it as feeding two birds with one scone. Or, we’ll ship them to you. Join the Right to Laugh Party. Make a donation, large or small. This is, after all, a campaign to activate and educate voters for the most important election of our lifetime.

(Click here to buy books, donate, or join the Right to Laugh Party
https://secure01.epiphanet.com/~wakeupl/epistore/

5. Volunteer to help us get the word out. Just respond to this email and say, “I want to volunteer.” We’ll respond to your response.

When you see the Swami for Precedent book (if you haven’t seen it yet), you will smile. It will be impossible for you not to thumb through the pages and look at the ideas and Brian Narelle’s cartoons. You will begin to see the power of comedy that not just points out our foibles, but points us in an empowering and transformational direction. In this brief window of time, the Swami will be going all-out. Now is the time to make sure we maximize this extraordinary opportunity.

May the FARCE be with you,

Steve Bhaerman

Wake Up Laughing Productions
400 W. Third Street, Suite D-144, Santa Rosa, CA 95401
Tel. 800-382-9932, Fax 800-382-9978
Email: Info@WakeUpLaughing.com
Web: www.WakeUpLaughing.com