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Alternative Health & Healing:
Transformational Healing
through the Violet Flame!
Today: Bondage and Freedom in Relationships!
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by Eva Kettles |
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Dear Reader, Dear Writer!
Hello to everyone!
This title might lead you at first in a direction of wondering “what is Eva up to today???”
I don’t want to disappoint you, but our talk from today will not lead us into SM techniques, because I might not be able to redirect you on your way of knotting yourself up. Since I am all about freeing oneself from blockage and knots, that subject might not fit me too well. But I have no judgments about it, in case somebody loves it. I can also see that this is one way of finding trust in another person, since we give in and let somebody else take over for us.
Every single soul is equipped with certain preferences in life. Each and every one has an amount of talents and gifts and also hobbies and favorite things that they like to do. We could also call it a certain program that we carry in our own matrix of self determination.
Since every one of us is so different and so colorful in expression it is sometimes very difficult to see that oneness and that belonging in one and another. We mostly concentrate on the separation and the differences - than on what binds us and what makes us the same.
I want to talk about relationships today. As you know we can differentiate many forms of relationships.
A) the relationship between Lovers
B) the relationship between parents and children
C) the relationship between boss and employee
D) the relationship between friends, called friendships –and many more.
I would like to focus on the A) the relationship between Lovers.
Don’t you agree that this is the most difficult relationship of all??? I am sure everyone agrees and it doesn’t need to be like this, but somehow it always comes down to be the most attached one, the most difficult one to figure out - maybe because it is “the one” of self choice – our conscious choice. As you might know – we choose even our parents, but we don’t remember this most of the time.
Nobody chooses consciously a bad relationship to be in, but after a while some of us find themselves in a disaster.
How do we fall in love? What exactly is it that attracts us? Is it the good looks of the guy or the sweet lady? Is it the charm and charisma? Is it the position in life and the promise of a good life behind it? Is it the talent, the character, the gift of the person? Is it the voice or the way he or she talks? Is it the walk? Is it the belief system of him or her? Or is it just chemistry? Or is it karma?
Don’t you ask yourself sometimes either now or in the past “how could I end up in this situation with this particular person?”
I have asked myself this in past relationships and I had no clue how I had attracted this disaster into my life. But I did.
My answer to the questions above is that it is certainly a bit of all, but in particular chemistry and also in some cases karma. If we fall in love our emotions go crazy. If you have seen the movie “What the bleep do we know” – you have seen how the little cells “blush” and “go wild” within us if we see “Mr. or Ms. Right”! Nothing can hold us back. We feel we can’t control ourselves.
Love is a miracle and somehow I don’t want to really know how it goes. Miracles can stay miracles otherwise they loose the magic. But what I want to know is, how can I make a relationship work?
What are the major reasons for fall outs?
1) The couple doesn’t talk.
2) One partner is not listening to the other.
3) One partner is changing personality
4) Children
5) One partner works harder than the other one.
6) Family disagreements
7) Unfaithfulness/betrayal of any kind
If the couple doesn’t talk with each other or talk in a seemingly different language to each other it is necessary to find out why they don’t talk to each other.
Does one partner have trust issues or does one feel that the partner would disagree on some level and is the person afraid of the consequences of a disagreement - with the preference of rather not saying anything. It could also be that the one person is afraid of being not understood or not supported and even judged. In all those cases it is “fear” blocking the partners from communicating with each other.
So the first step is to sit together and free each other of these particular fears. You can both write these individual fears down and also your belief why you fear what you fear.
For example: I am afraid to say that I visited my friend yesterday, because I thought you wouldn’t like it. I was afraid of your judgment and the disagreement that could have followed.
Both partners make their own list. Afterwards they can exchange the lists and talk about every point. You first read the fear of the partner and try to understand where he or she comes from. He or she comes from a place of fear – don’t forget this! Nobody is choosing fear, fear is a part of our life and it helps us to grow. So please be conscious and kind!
Then respond to the fear, say what you feel and think. Comfort your partner, support your partner. Strengthen the trust in him or her.
After this I strongly recommend to follow up with the ritual of transformation of fears You will find instructions in my first and second article (please look them up in the link beside) - so you both will be enabled to have faith in the partner and make one step forward to an harmonious conversation with each other.
If one partner is not listening to the other, you have to ask a similar question. Why is he/she not listening to you?
- Are you speaking in the right moment?
- Are you making sure that your partner is available to listen to you?
Most of the time this problem is not such a big problem, if you ask the partner when he can listen to you, or if he/she could interrupt what he/she is doing to give his or her attention to you. It is almost as if you want to talk to your boss. You kind of make an appointment. Of course it is not as scheduled one, but it is important to get that feedback of convenience from the partner if you start talking. Everybody is always thinking and doing something and we are preoccupied, tied up in our own world. That’s why we need to knock at the door first and make sure that somebody is home, before we start talking.
If one partner is changing personality - that is a “biggy”! When we enter a relationship, we are fresh in love, everything is fine with us. Whatever the partner does or not does we are able to accept it. We don’t expect too much yet. We are in the flow- we focus on all the amazing new colors that our new found individual brought into our life. We think it is great.
Suddenly we see how different our partner is from our own way of approaching life and we start trying to make the partner more like ourselves. We do this because we want to feel understood, we want to be right with our approach of life and we also want to feel like being a team with our partner. We want to have him or her on our side. We suddenly don’t want to be so different anymore. Why is that? We feel threatened? We feel we might do something wrong with being the way we are. Our partner pushes our buttons without wanting to push them, just by being different from us. We start judging ourselves, questioning our approaches to life questions and so on. That’s why it is so great to have a partner! He or she moves us, tests us and turns our world upside down.
Everyone reacts now differently to what I just described. Some people num their senses by starting to drink or escape in any other possible imaginary way. Others occupy themselves with things and duties or just start going out with other people. Just to run away from a partner that was once so interesting, so arousing, so fantastic different! By running away or paralyzing ourselves we really change our personality and that creates even a bigger hole between the Lovers.
How can we create a bridge to come back to the beginning, back to our accepting attitude.
Some statements that might help you:
- We don’t have to agree to everything and still let the other person be the way they are.
- Everyone has their own destiny and their own path to get there. You don’t know why they have to do what they do. So don’t judge it!
- There is no right or wrong.
- What somebody else does has nothing to do with you! He or she doesn’t do what they do to hurt you.
- What someone thinks about you is also not your business. Let them think what they want to think. Don’t take it personally.
- Speak only if you have nice or complementary things to say. Otherwise: shut up!
-Concentrate on your own path, your inner truth and believe in your self!
- Concentrate on what you have in commune and celebrate these moments of togetherness joyfully.
On Duality in general: ( by Mirabei Devi / Jane Blecher)
There is no good and no bad,
No right and no wrong,
only the judgments of our own mind.
There is no here and no there.
We live in a world of energy and light.
We stage this grand play of physical form to know and experience ourselves.
Without judgment, criticism, and self-condemnation, we are free to be.
Life then becomes a play to be enjoyed.
We are no longer identifying with the role of the actor.
By simply accepting, allowing and witnessing all that is,
We become liberated!
Children often change our relationship to our Lover.
It very much also depends on the child you conceive. If the child needs all our attention, all our strength and power – there is sometimes not much left to give.
Here it is important, that both partners share the duties and the responsibilities to care for a child. It makes communication easier, because both of them know what they are talking about, they experience the transformation of the relationship together.
If one partner works harder than the other one, the one partner might get envy of the free time and the joy the other partner experiences.
It is certainly not fair if the hard working partner works so hard to meet the needs for both of them and the other partner is spending the money. In this case it is necessary to shift responsibilities and duties and make it work for both partners equally.
In a loving relationship one doesn’t want to live on the costs of another individual. Every person is responsible for their own life and if the woman for example stays at home to care for the children and the husband works - that is okay as long the husband recognizes that as “work” as well, even that it is not paid. These of you, who are in this situation might want to think about a way to both spend enough time with the children and also both get the chance to feel worthy through feedback from other people in some position outside of your home. In general - please take the partner seriously when he/she feels overwhelmed and react with resentment. Search for solutions, for ways of making both partners happy. If it is not possible for a certain amount of time, don’t forget to appreciate your partner for being so generous and enduring. Don’t forget to complement and praise him or her for what they do.
Your partner’s family doesn’t like you? Or your family doesn’t like your spouse? This is definitely also not an easy situation, because the family might try to send a lot of stakes or arrows through your heart or the ones of your spouse. As I stated in the beginning we are all so very different. There is no right or wrong. You have to make a decision and a choice. With whom are you living your life? Try to forgive everyone around you, everyone you can’t understand or accept. They have their reasons for being “who they are”. Or better: “who they have chosen to act like” in this incarnation. Everyone is hurt, everyone has a good explanation. You don’t even have to hear the excuses anymore, just know it is true. Just try to relax and breathe. We can’t change if somebody doesn’t like us. But we have the choice how we react to it! Once again: Concentrate on yourself and don’t blame others for anything.
You’ll find instructions in my first three articles how to release your mindsets you’re your emotions that you have about others around you. If you have to deal with family members that try to split you and your spouse, just change your way of looking and judging them in return. You’ll see it will make a difference! You attract what you have within you. If you release what you have within yourself, it will disappear in your reality and nothing will affect you anymore. The consequence will be that you are able to stay in harmony with your Self and you resist resisting!!!! When there is no reaction in you, because – reaction is resistance, which causes it to stick to you – you will transform your reality. What you resist you become and you will experience.
Forgiveness is when we realize that we are all just actors.
That is a comforting statement before we enter a very hurtful experience of reality. Nobody likes to be betrayed in any way. We feel like losers. We feel self pity and embarrassed, humiliated and very, very hurt. We feel like a victim in a movie. Something has been done to us. That’s what it feels like. We can not control what another person does. We don’t know what experiences and choices are necessary for their growth. Choosing not to trust a person is the most painful choice of all. By not trusting in the partner we suffer long before anything happens and we also attract into our life what we do not want. Once again! Relax! Try to believe in a higher plan for everything and everyone, even if this approach is still very confusing to you. You will realize that it is comforting if you decide to trust in this. But if a situation of any betrayal appears in your life don’t blame it on your Self, because you haven’t been able to trust enough. That would create a devil circle for you. You try as well as you can. Forgive yourself as well in case you think “I haven’t done well enough”. Everything happens for a reason.
If your personal situation does not match any of my examples and you don’t find advice, you are welcome to write to me.
I hope I could help some of you and I also want to let you know that it is okay to let go of your momentary partner in case there is just no way of finding a way of freedom within your relationship. If you feel tied up and unhappy you should return to your Self and retreat for a while until you are ready for a new adventure in the wheel of life!
Amen! And so be it!
Love you all!
Blessings,
Eva
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Eva Kettles,
Spiritual Channel & Healer
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Eva Kettles is a spiritual channel, and guide who offers a sensitive, confidential, non-intrusive, results-oriented approach of clearing the pathway to becoming your True Self….consciously uncovering your Divine Essence.
Mrs. Kettles acts as a “loving detective” to give you clear guidance to your life questions. Working with the healing energy of the Violet Flame, Eva will transform your blocks in all the dimensions that make up your entire being so you can live according to your divine plan and purpose. Release deep seated fears, thought patterns and beliefs that keep you from expressing your authentic self.
Through a process of forgiveness and with the loving presence and help of our spirit guides, Eva enables healing to take place in mind, body, heart and soul. Eva offers individual guidance, fertility counseling, premarital guidance, couples coaching, space clearing and prayer/blessings.
Eva was born and raised in Germany. After finishing business school in Switzerland she discovered her ‘real’ passion for the eternal questions of Life that everybody has, but to which few people discover the answers.
To that end, she decided to become a holistic practitioner. During this education she got a wide background in all available alternative therapy disciplines.
Towards the end of her studies she decided to specialize in Bio-photonic Light Therapy (by Darbic, Dr. Acquillera, France), Frequency/Electrotherapy (Megawave 150), Color puncture, Regenaplex Cellular Therapy (Switzerland), Karma work, Hypnosis and Forgiveness work and opened her own practice first in Munich, than another one in Lucerne, Switzerland. Later, she established a healthy practice in New York City before moving to Ojai, California in March of 2004.
Eva was the protégé of Dr. Gutow in Germany. . He dedicated his whole life to finding out the reasons behind all illnesses. He took into account food, drinks, toxic surroundings or materials, homeopathic remedies in too high frequencies, astral positions, divine paths, karmic constellations, spells, entities and energies that block our good to come forth.
Dr. Gutow could access the highest self or spiritual guidance of each person and discovered that Eva had the ability to do the same work that he was doing. Using the analytical test that was developed by Dr. Gutow, Eva could immediately find out which therapy would work for which client. She explains: “It is like a key and a lock. We have to find the right key to unlock our good. Some keys work, some don’t!”
Having been blessed with many teachers, including Nadeen Shatyam , she learned that once you trust your inner voice you become connected to the universal truth and you do not need to look outside of yourself.
Everything is within us when we finally learn to believe it. Her goal is to help you to find and establish that trust in yourself. Having walked the path to self return, she knows how to guide others.
Phone:(805) 646-9399
www.uncoveryour
essence.com
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