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Tarot:
Mother May Care
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by Gigi Miner |
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May brings to our lives the holiday of “Mothers’ Day.” From what little I gleaned using the internet, Mothers’ Day may have started as a day to worship the Mother Goddesses. In modern society, many of us take the opportunity to honor the woman that gave us life.
The epitome of a mother is one who nurtures, loves, and cares for her children. She is seen as selfless and hard working. With a mother like that, Mothers’ Day should be easy to enjoy. What if, however, you were not gifted with the perfect mother? I would hazard a guess that, in reality, none of us were. I am reaching for the slightly more negative view, however. Let us face it, not everyone who bears a child, is a mother. Women are made to give birth. Giving birth does not automatically make someone a mother.
Ethyrial Tarot Copyright © 2005 Gigi Miner
Used with Permission
Our card this month is the Six of Cups. Normally, when we see this card, it speaks of fond childhood memories or someone from your past returning into your life. There is, however, another meaning with the Six of Cups and it is one that few people wish to talk about; that is the possibility of child abuse. When a child is abused, they tend to take upon themselves the responsibility for that abuse. If only they were a good child, they would not get a beating or be berated. A child cannot understand that the one person that they most depend upon to provide for them and to protect them can be to blame. It is beyond their grasp when they are young. What happens as they grow is that they continue to take upon themselves the guilt and the responsibility for the abuse and will actually seek out others in their lives in order to reenact that abusive life. Somehow, if they live the abuse over and over, they will be loved “this time.” It is as if they try to prove that they are lovable to their abuser, but by proxy. Sadly, this rarely, if ever, will end in the way that they hope.
One would think that an adult could sort through the chaff of their past and realize that what was done to them was not their fault. They were simply helpless children being victimized by an adult who did not behave as one. Yet, the abuse survivor carries very deep scars; its tendrils reach deep into the heart and soul of the person, affecting many aspects of his or her life for many years, if not for their entire life.
As we look at this month’s card, notice that the center cup is seemingly being struck by lightening and, thus, being broken apart. The relationship between an abuser and a survivor is seldom repaired. I will not say “never.” If there is a healing, it often will come from the survivor rather then the abuser. Notice that I am using the word “survivor” rather then “victim.” There is a mindset that goes along with each word. A victim tends always to be a victim. A survivor lives to build their life in spite of their past. For me, cups are often about healing. In the case of the Six of Cups, this can be an essential part of the process. While one cup is shattered, there are other cups available that can bring healing to our survivor. In order to begin healing, one should first admit to being abused and then allow the pain and the sorrow its place. The survivor is not to blame for being abused. Many adults who have lived past their abusive childhood try to bury it and pretend that it never happened. While this may work for a time, it usually will not work indefinitely. Sooner or later, something from the past will reemerge and wreak havoc in our lives.
It has been my experience that the hardest thing for an adult survivor to do is to admit that they were not to blame for their abuse. They cannot seem to let go of the guilt that accompanies it. But, in order to truly begin to heal, the survivor needs to not only admit to being abused, but also to put the responsibility of that abuse where it belongs; on the abuser. I am not saying that this needs to be a public indictment and confrontation. In fact, attempting to get an abuser to admit to their acts is often just another wound to add to the list. Each person needs carefully to weigh this particular part of the puzzle. For some, confronting the abuser is a necessary part of the healing process. For others, it would only lead to more pain and suffering. My suggestion would be not to jump into any kind of action. Rather, take time to seek counseling or to work through this over a long period of time before even attempting to enter into this kind of endeavor, and then, only if that seems to be necessary to one’s healing.
Sometimes we are given a surrogate mother to help us through the struggles in our lives. Sometimes we are left to fend for ourselves. Life will set in our paths whatever it is that we need. For some of us, the earth is our mother. We take comfort in nature and in walking with the trees and the animals. Somewhere in each of our lives, there is something that comforts us. If it is not a mother by birth, it can be a mother by choice.
Cups are usually associated with emotions. The number six can be related to our needs. So, the Six of Cups speaks of emotional needs in our lives. In the case of our survivor, the emotional needs can be overwhelming at times. The first step toward any kind of healing is to know oneself. Until we understand why we do some of the things that we do, we cannot change the outcome. One example would be the girl that grows up without a father figure. Often this girl grows into a woman that needs a great deal of male attention. For her, the attention might not be good attention, but if it is coming from a man, she will tend to submit to it in order to fill that void left by the absent father. The key is in knowing that this is happening in one’s life. Very often, we move about our lives, oblivious to the catalysts that instigate our behavior.
Have you ever known anyone who seems to lose their temper at the mildest of things? Perhaps this is something that you do. Unresolved anger can create this tempest effect in someone’s life. It would seem to me that being abused as a child could create some serious anger in a person. Our life gives us clues as to what needs to be fixed. Do you always choose an abusive partner? Do you get angry at things for no apparent reason? Do you cause harm to yourself and not know why? These are all questions that we can ask ourselves in order to find the root of why we do the things that we do.
It is never an easy journey when one chooses to seek out healing from the past. It can be frightening even to consider the possibility of revisiting those memories. But, to ignore the affect that your abuse has had on your life is to continue to give power to the abuser. The survivor feels helpless while being abused. That helpless feeling can continue on throughout his or her life. When we take back control and refuse to give over any more of our power to someone else, we begin to heal.
In our card, the child is not able to get away from the situation. A child is subject to the parent. That child does not know how to fix their situation, nor should they have to take any action. They are, after all, only a child. Once a child becomes an adult, then the responsibility to heal shifts to him or her. The abuser will not likely come and try to fix what they have broken. We are left to pick up the pieces of our lives and to create our own future. The future of the abuse survivor can be one of great power and happiness. It begins with one step toward healing.
This month of May, as many celebrate Mothers’ Day, let the survivors take a moment to celebrate themselves. Often having to be their own mother, the survivor deserves to acknowledge the great heart, soul, and fortitude that they possess. You have come this far. You do not read this article by accident. Perhaps the universe is taking a moment to reach out to you and offer that hand of healing; to let you know that there is hope and there is a future available that is full of life and love and joy. The next step is yours. May that which nurtures you help you in your journey. Perhaps this Mothers’ Day can be the most important one in your life. Six is also a number of renewal. The Six of Cups tells us that we can have a renewed sense of emotions and of healing.
Happy Mothers’ Day to all of our Survivors!
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Gigi Miner,
Tarot Consultant,
Author & Teacher
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Gigi Miner, author of "Light-of-Day Tarot & Dreamwork", is a minister, ordained by the Universal Life Church, and has a Doctorate of Motivation from the same. She is a professional Tarot consultant, author, and teacher.
She is presently the chairperson for the Advisory Committee of the American Board for Tarot Certification, working with other professionals in the world of tarot.
Moonlighting as an adult education instructor, Gigi brings that experience into her Tarot and writing work, helping clients and readers to find their own inner wisdom. Gigi has taught classes on tarot in regular and e-formats.
Believing that "laughter is the best medicine", there is often a lighter tone to her teachings. When conducting an adult-education class, one of the main questions she asks is, "Are you having fun?" If the answer is "yes" then she knows that her students are learning more then if she were teaching in a more traditional mode.
Contact Info:
www.geocities.com/
ladyfogg
Email : ladyfogg@twcny.rr.com
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