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Astrologer's Notes: |
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The Joy of Being
Helpful Through Astrology
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by Basil Fearrington |
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One of the most wonderful things that can happen to an astrologer is knowing that you have truly helped someone. When you have made a difference and when you see that the life being lived as been altered helpfully because of your skill, insight, and objectivity, the consultation process is extremely rewarding, both for the astrologer and client. This is especially the case when one helps with difficult intimate concerns such as relationship or sexual challenges.
This was the case with a consultation that I had some months ago. The woman (I will refer to her as “Jane”) contacted me for some help and objectivity about her career but when the horoscope came out of the printer, what practically slapped me in the face was not her vocational profile but her personal relational/sexual profile.
The first glance of the horoscope shows some very obvious signs: the lower hemisphere emphasis suggests focused concerns of development (or lack of it) from the formative years of development, usually carried into adult life where they focus in relationships. This initial deduction is quickly corroborated by Saturn’s retrograde position (father concern) and Mercury’s tense relationship with Saturn and Neptune, important because of Mercury’s rulership of the 4th House. What’s more, Pluto is quindecile the Nodal Axis, suggesting a towering maternal influence for better or worst. What’s more, Jupiter, ruler of X (the other parental ruler) conjoins Mars (ruler of II, linking the parental concerns with self-worth awareness). There can be no question that this is a parental profile in need of discussion.
Saturn’s position in the 7th House suggests that there is a link between the father concerns, relationships, and how she feels about herself in terms of being lovable (Saturn rules the 11th House). And with the Moon in XI receiving a quindecile from Uranus, with both being related to House V, I quickly saw the tie-in between relationships and a sexual profile that demands attention.
Keeping relationships in mind, I noticed that Mercury, ruler of VII, is opposed by Saturn and Neptune in VII. With this opposition taking place in Houses I and VII and with Neptune’s rulership of the Ascendant, my deduction was that this lady’s need to project herself a certain way contributes to relationship concerns that surely carry over to sexual issues. This is emphasized by Uranus’ square to Venus from the 5th House with Venus ruling the other half of the sexual profile ruling VIIIth House.
Lastly, the Sun in II receives a square from Pluto, re-emphasizing the earlier-deduced self-worth concerns. With Pluto in VI, she would probably find it tough to work with others on their terms in the work environment, perhaps related to frustration about interrupted education (Pluto rules IX).
In the event that these deductions were correct but managed in her life, I wanted to anticipate what the vocational need is so that we could have a good discussion about it. It began with Jupiter, ruler of X placed in the 3rd House, immediately suggesting communications. Jupiter is disposed of by Venus, which is disposed of by Mars, which is disposed of by Mercury, which is disposed of by Mars. Mercury and Mars are in Mutual Reception. There can be no question that the 3rd House is anchored here. Also, with so much focus on III, it made me question the importance of siblings, perhaps a rivalry of some kind.
Going further, the Moon’s Sign and House positions are always very important considerations for vocational analysis. Here, in Aquarius and in the 11th House, we get the sense of social concerns, of an outreach to others of some kind, connected to writing or speaking. Mercury and Pluto form trines to the Midheaven, re-emphasizing the communications deduction and introduces the importance of a bid for recognition or prominence in the professional profile. Pluto rules the 9th House – world view, publishing – an echo of the communications deduction. BUT…..we expect the education to be interrupted so how far can all of this be taken? I would have to find this out in the consultation.
The Consultation
Prior to the consultation day, I emailed Jane and told her that I sensed that we were going to have an interesting discussion. I asked her permission to either record or repeat the consultation for educational purposes. She agreed as long as I used an anonymous name and did not list the horoscope’s data.
Jane must have been very anxious because she called me 15 minutes early. The following is a transcript of the consultation.
BF: Hi, Jane. You are early!
Jane: I know, I couldn’t wait. You got my juices flowing with that email.
BF: Well, there was a good reason for it. Are you ready to get started?
Jane: Absolutely
BF: Your initial reason for contacting me focused on vocational concerns which were not stipulated. But when I analyzed your horoscope, vocational concerns are not what leaped out at me. Instead, what attracted my attention was a focus on your upbringing and how that ties into your adult concerns with relationships and sexuality.
Jane: Oh boy! Amazing! Go ahead!
BF: Your horoscope suggests that the relationship with your father was absent, unfulfilling, or over-bearing in a way that did not give you the kind of paternal love and authority needed according to your personal needs. This apparently couples with a maternal influence that was/is above average or out of the norm. Perhaps it is obsessive or……
Jane: ……..this is already unbelievable
BF: ……..well, you can obviously relate to what I am saying. Now, Jane, in psychology 101, when we see this kind of a setup in a horoscope, we expect degrees of over-compensation and/or inferiority complexes to set in as a way of defending against the feelings of hurt and pain coming from the parental dysfunction. And in your case, this sense of inferiority or over-compensation would appear to be focused in relationships. It spills over to how you feel about yourself in terms of lovability and all of this, then, becomes key to your sexual profile. Can we begin our discussion today with your description of the parental concerns in your life, especially from those all-important formative years of development up to age 14-15 or so?
Jane: My goodness! Can you teach me to do what you just did? I had no idea that such insight could be possible through astrology. Every vowel of what you just deduced is absolutely on target. My father was always there physically but he was a, well, he was and still is weak and ineffective. To this day, my mother tosses him around like a tissue in a hurricane. My mother, on the other hand, is the most opinionated, “do-it-my-way” person that you would ever want to meet. She invented the word, “domineering.” How they have remained married is beyond me. What they saw in each other from the beginning is a mystery. They are as suited for each other as Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton!
BF: (laughing) Wow! That is an analogy that I can relate to. Clearly, you did not have a close-to-perfect model for how relationships can and should be conducted.
Jane: Ward and June Cleaver they were not. They are not.
BF: Now, Jane, what’s particularly important to discuss in all of this is your relationship with your father. Tell me, did your father endorse you? Did you get visible and verbal displays of love and affection despite what you perceive as his ineffectiveness?
Jane: My father endorses a bum on the street! He’s like Gandhi or something. You can’t pay his endorsements any attention. He’s just so weak. He could get slapped and compliment his attacker’s aggression!
BF: Okay. I understand you and I feel your apparent disrespect. But did he ever pull you aside and just tell you that he loves you. Have there been signs of his endorsement of you within what’s perceived as his weakness?
Jane: He’s not that type. I mean, you kinda know that he loves you but no, there were no rich, meaningful displays of that from either of my parents, not to me. They gave all of that to my sister. She is queen of the universe in their eyes. She’s prettier than me. She’s smarter than me. She graduated from college and I didn’t go because I got pregnant after being accepted. She can do no wrong.
BF: (laughing) you jumped ahead….we were going to discuss the interrupted education……I have that written down. Did that occur in late 1972? (I saw transiting Uranus making its last pass of an opposition to Venus; transiting Saturn crossing the Nadir, all proceeded by SP Moon opposed Venus, all adding up to a time of new beginnings due to a Venusian concern).
Jane: Let’s see……(thinking)……yea, that’s right. There was a big fuss about it. I moved out on my own. Basically speaking, I came up in a situation where I felt left out. My parents were a mess. I suspect that both of them probably have had numerous affairs but stayed together because of us kids or whatever. My sister got ALL of the attention and I was looked upon as the family failure who squandered her potentials away because I got pregnant. The guy’s condom broke. I guess it was just fate. I didn’t even want him in my life. He was as fine as all get out and he wanted me for sex….we wanted each other.
BF: And so now, as a middle-aged adult, what is the quality of your relationships? Are you pulled back from relationships or is the opposite where you are over-bearing?
Jane: I do not get along with people easily, whether it’s romantically or at work. You see, I need to be in charge because…..
BF: ……please allow me to finish the statement or make a suggestion to you. For starters, your maternal role model is domineering and your paternal role model is perceived as being weak. Do understand that YOUR FATHER IS NOT EVERY MAN THAT YOU MEET! Jane, isn’t it quite possible that your need to be in charge relates to the bitterness that you may harbor because of your perception of your father as a weak man? And could it be that you are simply determined to NOT have that kind of man in your personal life?
Jane: Hmmm. I never thought of that. To hear you say it, it’s so obvious yet I never thought of it that way. In my town, most men are weak and I just thought…..
BF: …..if I came to your town and filled a stadium with women, would all of them say that the men in that town are weak?
Jane: (laughing) I’d like to say yes but I see your point. No, they wouldn’t.
BF: ………You cannot condition your relationship orientation to overcompensate for the way you feel about your father. Your father had concerns of his own a long time before you were born. You came along and just kind of fell into a pattern that was already developed. It’s not personal. Resolve it and get on with love.
Jane: It’s not easy with these guys around here.
BF: Oooookay. Jane, can I have your permission to discuss your intimate life?
Jane: I feel very comfortable with you. Sure.
BF: How does this need to be in charge manifest sexually? Are you orgasmically dysfunctional?
Jane: ……(exhales and pauses) if I am not on top, I feel nothing. Nothing happens. If I am on top, half the time at least, I can climax. Now, if the guy is into dirty talk and lets me demean him, whew!!!! It’s fireworks time. But otherwise, the traditional role that women play in sex is not for me.
BF: What is the traditional role of a woman in sexuality?
Jane: You know. Everything is geared towards the guy’s fulfillment.
BF: I understand your need to relate romantically and sexually in ways that go against tradition. But let me understand you. Are you telling me that it turns you on to be demeaning when you have sex?
Jane: Absolutely!
BF: Why?
Jane: It’s the joy of being in control, of being dominant.
BF: But in traditional sexual positions, you……
Jane: I might as well be doing my taxes!
BF: Yet, when you gratify yourself privately…
Jane: …….there’s a lot of that
BF: ……there is no issue?
Jane: I am like a bursting damn privately.
BF: And when you are gratifying yourself, what is your role in the fantasy?
Jane: I am being pleasured by a strong, strong man who will not let me control him. And I met that guy, whew!
BF: So it all relates to this strength versus weakness battle that occupies your mind?
Jane: I guess so. Yep!
BF: There is obviously nothing wrong with you physically, right?
Jane: I don’t understand the question.
BF: Well, Jane……if you are bursting privately but have all of these complications when you experience sex with another, the issue is not your sexual equipment. The issue is how you feel about yourself when you are having sex with another man. If it was a physical problem, you would have difficulty climaxing when you gratify yourself. This is a relationship concern tied into self-worth anxiety. Now, I am not a psychologist, sexual therapist or anything like that. But when I put together what you have shared with me to your horoscope, the answer is that your father’s imprint on your psyche has taken over your relationship life and it impacts upon your ability to enjoy yourself sexually.
Jane: (pause…..) It just never works. Relationships are so depressing. Guys are the pits.
BF: Let me suggest to you that your perception of relationships is colored by the way you feel about yourself, about your identity, in relationship to your parents. The way that you need to project yourself meets resistance in relationships. You need to balance things, Jane. If you are continually meeting the same issues over and over again, it’s you, not them. You are projecting onto others and it gets in the way of relationship fulfillment.
Jane: Wow. My horoscope shows that?
BF: I am putting together what you told me with what I see in your horoscope. The two go together.
Jane: And so what can I do?
BF: Look in the mirror more. Understand that your father’s development took place long before you were born. Make a habit of hugging him. Tell him that you love him and that you are proud to be his daughter. Then, ask him if he isn’t also proud to be your father. Help him to help you.
Jane: My God! It is hard to imagine that taking place.
BF: That is understandable. But you know, Jane, the best way to rid oneself of fear is to face it and get it resolved. Imagine how much more productive and fulfilled you can be with this thing nipped in the bud.
Jane: You are so right. That is true. I would love to not have this chip on my shoulder about the weakness in men.
BF: And then you might even stop biting the heads off of your co-workers.
Jane: (laughing) How did you know that?
BF: I’m an astrologer. Remember? Seriously, it’s another salient point of your horoscope – there is a challenge in cooperating with others on their level within the work environment. Again, it’s projection, Jane. The way to make yourself feel better is through achievement and productivity. Pointless criticism and fighting achieves nothing but bad feelings. Every day should be geared towards being productive, not destructive.
Jane: They (guys) are such idiots though and…..
BF: ….I know; I know; they are weak.
Jane: ……(laughing) okay, okay. I win the broken record prize.
BF: Yep. You simply cannot go through life making yourself feel better by demeaning others. That is not going to make your father become the indomitable force of your fantasies. Are you with me?
Jane: I know. You are right. I have a lot of work to do because change isn’t easy for us bulls.
BF: Now, I think that if you work out all that we have discussed, you will begin to be on the correct path and things will work out in general when you begin to feel better about yourself personally. But tell me, does your work involve writing, or speaking?
Jane: Wow! That’s incredible because I want it to involve writing and speaking. I have a manuscript that I would like to get published. I have strong feelings about social injustice in the world. I think I have some good views on it. It’s idealistic but it works, I think. I wanted to know how my horoscope looks for an effort of that kind.
BF: (laughing) Were you looking over my shoulder when I analyzed your horoscope? There is no question that communications is a workable path for you. And to feel comfortable emotionally, you need to be involved in a social or humanitarian endeavor. When you put the two of them together….
Jane: That’s what I was hoping that you would say because I feel quite strongly about it.
BF: What do you do now?
Jane: I don’t even want to say? It’s just a check, you know? It’s a job, not a career. My passion is writing and talking about social issues. There is a lot in this world that needs to be corrected.
BF: I’m with you on that. Jane, under normal circumstances in my consultations, I go back and talk a bit about the past. Doing that gives me confidence that your data is accurate and also lets me know what you are responsive to in your horoscope. I don’t feel a need to do that with you extensively. However, please let me ask you if you can remember what took place when you were approximately 18 years old. I get the sense of assertion, of bombast, of……
Jane: I beat the living ______out of my sister. They had to pull me off of her.
BF: I’m sorry.
Jane: I was seeing this guy. He came by to pick me up. I had gone to by some new clothes to impress him and traffic was bad on the way back. When I walked in, the two of them were in the kitchen and she was sitting on his lap running her hands all through his head! It took the whole city to pull me off of her and we didn’t speak for a couple years after that. I nearly destroyed an eye socket. It was bad!
BF: What about the guy?
Jane: Well, he obviously wasn’t worth the time of day. And after seeing my tirade, he was scared to death. I didn’t blame him at all. My sister knows who my boyfriend is. She had no business doing what she did. It wasn’t enough to have the favor of our parents. She had to have my boyfriend too!
BF: How was the situation resolved between you and your sister? What brought the two of you together again?
Jane: She came to my apartment one day. She knocked on the door. It was like a movie on the Lifetime cable network. I saw that it was her and I didn’t respond. But when she said, “I know you are on the other side of this door and I understand you. You are my sister. I love you and I miss you. I was wrong. I hate myself enough for what I did. I couldn’t tolerate it if you went the rest of your life hating me too.” I just couldn’t take it.” So, I opened the door and we cried together for an hour and then got drunk. It was one of the best days of my life. She admitted to me that she always secretly admired my free spirit and how I went about not caring about the favor of our parents. We really came to a great understanding.
BF: You see! That’s the kind of thing that needs to happen with your father. You need that kind of resolve. Have you and your sister been basically cool since that day?
Jane: Yea. We got a lot out in the open. We are friends today.
BF: That’s what needs to happen with your father. Get it done, Jane. In all likelihood, he is going to leave this plane before you do. You don’t want this to be something that you carry around forever. Parental death is especially tough when there are unresolved issues. Your situation with him is not that bad as you have described it.. There was no molestation. There was no physical abuse towards your mother or towards you. Or was there?
Jane: No, you are right. My brother got whacked a lot by my mother but the girls were left alone. It’s only me with the psychological damage.
BF: I see. And you can take care of it. Just get it out in the open. Have a cozy discussion with your father, minus the getting drunk part (laughing). This is more about your perception of things, about the reaction you have to it, the values that you place upon it. I know that’s easy for me to say but I am here to give you an objective look. That’s what you are paying me for.
Jane: I know it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be angry and pissed off all the time about people, places, and things.
BF: When is your father’s next birthday?
Jane: That would be in three weeks.
BF: Okay, good. This is what you should do. You should have a Jane and Daddy birthday party. Take him to dinner or to something that he likes. Have the discussion. Tell him how you feel. What do you know about his upbringing?
Jane: Not a lot of details. He’s been kind of mum on it.
BF: Good. Un-mum him. You need to understand him so that the behavior that you perceive can be placed in perspective. The idea is that you do not place his face on every man that you see. Got it? Understanding is everything. In my life, I learned after my father’s death that his mother died giving birth to him and that his father never let him forget it. He was the brunt of all kinds of beatings. It took a tremendous toll on him. He was a bit of a weekend alcoholic because of it. He was distant emotionally and extremely judgmental about people, places, and things. Had I known about his birth situation while he was alive, it would have helped tremendously with the overall perspective of him. And you see, you might learn something similar that will place what you perceive in your father in a perspective that helps you to accept your father more easily.
Jane: Wow. Thanks for sharing that with me. That’s deep. You make a lot of sense. Do you accept tips? (laughing)
BF: After all, how are you going to save the world without helping yourself first?
Closing
The consultation continued from that point. We talked about the climate ahead and how best to use the astrological influences. We discussed how all of this could back up and manifest as health-related concerns, etc.
Since the consultation, Jane has decided to study astrology with me and she is doing fantastically. Learning astrology has impacted her self-awareness in a most positive way. Just a few days before the writing of this essay, I was contacted by Jane. She excitedly told me that she had an agent and that a few publishers have commented favorably about the manuscript.
There is something especially rewarding to see growth in people and to be a part of the process of growth and change for the betterment of the person. This is when astrologer and astrology have their finest moments!
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Basil Fearrington,
Astrologer
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Basil Fearrington is the author of "The New Way To Learn Astrology." He has been a professional astrologer for 22 years.
Basil's articles have appeared in the leading astrological publications around the world. He was the Inaugural Chairman for the MilleyDome project in Johannesburg, South Africa and taught astrology there for one year.
Basil has twice been a faculty member of UAC and spoke at Astro 2000. In addition to his work in astrology, Basil is a professional musician who has toured with and/or recorded for artists such as Stevie Wonder and George Benson.
He was on a team of composers who did the music for a network show called "New York Undercover." The same team won a Grammy award in 1980.
bfearr@aol.com
www.basilfearrington.
com
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