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Alternative Health & Healing:
Transformational Healing
through the Violet Flame!
Today: How do we make real intimacy possible?
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by Eva Kettles |
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Dear Reader, Dear Writer!
Hello to all of you!
Don’t you wish to have no secrets? Don’t you wish to look into your loved ones eyes without any shyness? Don’t you wish to trust completely, to feel safe beyond reason?
I personally want to live to the fullest, feel to the fullest, give and receive to the fullest.
To get there I try to clear myself from all my limitations, from all my fears and from all my doubts and most of all I try to loose myself in the arms of God - that can be at the same time the arms of my husband. I can recognize God within each and everyone if I only try hard enough. I wish to loose my idea of the “how” to get there and to learn to trust that it is already my reality. The biggest gift is to loose myself and still know and feel that I am not lost.
Real intimacy is not reached in many cases through intercourse. We can make love to one another and not be intimate at all. We can still feel unfulfilled and alone even if we are obviously not alone. We can speak our truth and still feel unheard.
Maybe it is better to find out what intimacy really means to each and everyone? If I could, I would love to ask each of my readers, what is your personal definition of intimacy!
I would describe it like this:
Intimacy is reached…….
…….if I don’t need any secrets anymore
…….if I don’t feel ashamed of anything
…….if I can trust without needing to protect myself
…….if I don’t need to think anymore
…….if I can loose myself
…….when I feel truly connected
…….when I can allow myself to be what I feel
…….when all my senses function 100%
…….when I don’t need to hold on to something
…….when I see God in myself
…….when I see God in another
…….when I see myself perfect the way I am
…….when I see everything perfect the way it is.
You may have to say many more things about intimacy, but since I don’t have your input right now, I go from here!
One conclusion of mine is that I have to be ready to allow intimacy into my life. To be ready I have to learn to trust in myself, in my partner, in God and the flow of life. Does that all mean that we are all self responsible if we have no intimacy in our life? I think I have to answer here with “yes”. We are responsible for everything in our life. We are creating what we have and what we experience on some level. Mostly we are not conscious of what we ask the universe to present us with. We are all the time involved with everything there is, we are steadily in communication with everyone, with everything and mostly we are not aware of the consequences of our subconscious dialogs.
How do we become ready for intimacy with our loved one? Our partner can help us to get ready for intimacy and we can help our partner to get ready for it. How do we do that?
We love our partner the way our partner needs to be loved.
Every person has experienced “feeling loved” in different ways in our lives. Our parents have shown their love to us by nurturing us, protecting us and giving us a home. After our parents our first relationships show their love for us through sexual touch, giving gifts and adoring us. Our friends love us by listening to us, advising us and helping us as much as they can.
When we enter a lasting relationship with our girl/boyfriend or wife/husband we want to feel loved by this person just the way we have learned to be loved before. We wish our loved one to fill our love tank continuously just the way we fill it for each other when we have” fallen in love”. When we are in love with each other, nothing is too difficult for us, we see our chosen one in the best light, we adore her/him and we praise her/him, we try to help wherever we can and we want to spend as much time with each other as possible. We love to have sex and touch each other as much as possible, we are open and receptive for different ways and prospectives of life and we are feeling “high” from each other. We never get tired of finding new ways of surprising each other.
But what happens then? After approximately 2 years our love fuel seems to get slowly but surely less powerful. We are falling out of the “in love experience” and we have to look at what we are doing here. We have to make a conscious choice to keep our loved one happy as well as our self. This takes more energy we think, it seems to be a big effort. But what it really means is that we have to make a choice if we want to love someone or not! And if we decide to love someone, then we should learn how this person feels loved the most.
In order to find out how your partner feels loved the most you can ask her/him the question: “How do you feel loved the most?” or “What can I do to make you feel loved the most?” And you also can just try out everything and find out which way brings the best response.
I would like to categorize different languages of love, so that every reader can find themselves in them and understand what they mean.
1. Feeling loved through “affirmation”:
Many of us feel the most loved when our mate obviously sees how we look, what we do with our life and how we move through our life. This language speaks about praise. If your partner needs to be praised a lot, she/he feels loved when you praise everything they do whenever you can. To do so, you have to shift your consciousness to the things you love about them, rather than to stay in your consciousness of seeing what your partner doesn’t do right in your eyes. Don’t forget, it is simply a choice! Do you want to love or discourage your partner?
2. Feeling loved through “ spending quality time with each other”:
Some couples spend a lot of time with each other, but would still agree that they don’t really spend time with each other. We can sit in front of a TV together, be in the same house but we still feel absolutely far from each other. For some of us “quality time” means to spend time together in subjects that we love the most. If it means going to a football game or riding horses or playing chess or going for a picnic - whatever it is that your partner loves - do it with her/him. If your partner loves things that you absolutely dislike try to do them once in a while just for showing them how much you care and love her/him. It will pay off. I tell you later how!!!! When you talk with each other try to look into each others eyes and try to really listen without distraction of TV, radio or your own thoughts. If you can’t listen it is better to tell your partner a certain time, when you think you can be all hers or all his.
3. Feeling loved through “ acts of service”:
Some husbands feel loved when their wife cooks for them or irons their shirts. The wife might not enjoy this kind of work too much, but she does it, because she knows it makes him feel loved. On the other hand the wife might really feel loved too, if her husband would vacuum once in a while or surprise her with a dinner or clean the dishes after she cooked. I think we all know how to spend our time better than to do housework, but it has to be done. It is so much easier when we do things together just like we did when we were “in love”. Don’t you agree???
4. Feeling loved through “giving and receiving gifts”:
Who doesn’t feel loved when our loved one comes back from a trip and has a little something in the pocket to surprise us. We feel happy to know that he/she thought about us while they were gone. We don’t have to buy gifts, we can make them ourselves or we just pick a flower. It is all about the gesture not the gift itself.
5. Feeling loved through “ being touched”:
We are human beings and human beings need everything that a baby needs. Babies die when we don’t touch them and our heart shuts down if our partner doesn’t nurture us through the sensitive way of touch. Touch includes everything from kissing, hugging, making love, to massage and just holding hands. Some people have a wounded heart and feel discomfort when we touch them. Deeply underneath the trauma lies the need for intimacy and closeness. If they could only allow themselves to trust in another human being and to feel deserving of their touch. People who think they don’t need it – need it the most. The reason for their rejection policy lies in their belief of not being loveable.
6. Feeling loved by "being able to have some alone time"
Real intimacy does not require a couple doing everything together. We can be very close and still do some things on our own.
We feel trusted and loved when our partner can let us go on our own. We come back together with new impulses to share. We shouldn't feel obligated to do things with our partner if we really can't enjoy certain hobbies of his/her choice. But I still think we should try to understand their passion and try at least once in a while to join our partner in doing their hobby with them. It is wonderful to allow those differences to be - while we also know that it is absolutely okay to be different.
When we have enjoyed on our own what satisfies our soul deeply we feel refreshed and eager to share that which is different from one another and those little journeys can definately rejuvenate the whole relationship in its individual way - can even embellish the time spent together in intimacy.
Why did I choose to make this introduction of the differences in love languages? I chose so - to simply show to you where we all might make mistakes in “how we love our partner.” We love our partner maybe the way we want to be loved – but what we need does not necessarily have to be what our partner desires.
We need to make sure to fill the love tank of our partner and we need to make sure that our partner fills our love tank. If we are feeling empty we resent our partner and we shut down. If we shut down we do not see God in our partner. If we do not see God in our partner, we can’t see God in ourselves and vice versa. We do not trust in ourselves nor in our partner, we might choose to fill ourselves somewhere else and we choose to have secrets. And by now you might recognize that we have concluded the circle and that we are back at the beginning of our little journey to find intimacy.
If we start to have secrets, we can’t allow ourselves to look into the eyes of our partner without shyness and without escape. And the result of this is to have sex without deepness, sometimes without satisfaction at all if we look at the results in love making. Intimacy can be reached without sexual contact. We can feel complete and whole by exchanging our whole energy field by “becoming one” on a different level of consciousness.
But my article is more directed to the needs in the 3rd dimensional world.
I hope you recognize by now that it pays off to choose to love your partner in the “right” way. Your love tank will be always filled because who gives shall receive! I wish that you choose to go on searching for and discovering after our parents your own limitations in your consciousness until you believe one hundred percent that you are worthy and deserving of all the good that lies between “heaven and earth” and that you have all the Christ qualities within you. And so it is! Amen!
Much love,
Eva
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Eva Kettles,
Spiritual Channel & Healer
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Eva Kettles is a spiritual channel, and guide who offers a sensitive, confidential, non-intrusive, results-oriented approach of clearing the pathway to becoming your True Self….consciously uncovering your Divine Essence.
Mrs. Kettles acts as a “loving detective” to give you clear guidance to your life questions. Working with the healing energy of the Violet Flame, Eva will transform your blocks in all the dimensions that make up your entire being so you can live according to your divine plan and purpose. Release deep seated fears, thought patterns and beliefs that keep you from expressing your authentic self.
Through a process of forgiveness and with the loving presence and help of our spirit guides, Eva enables healing to take place in mind, body, heart and soul. Eva offers individual guidance, fertility counseling, premarital guidance, couples coaching, space clearing and prayer/blessings.
Eva was born and raised in Germany. After finishing business school in Switzerland she discovered her ‘real’ passion for the eternal questions of Life that everybody has, but to which few people discover the answers.
To that end, she decided to become a holistic practitioner. During this education she got a wide background in all available alternative therapy disciplines.
Towards the end of her studies she decided to specialize in Bio-photonic Light Therapy (by Darbic, Dr. Acquillera, France), Frequency/Electrotherapy (Megawave 150), Color puncture, Regenaplex Cellular Therapy (Switzerland), Karma work, Hypnosis and Forgiveness work and opened her own practice first in Munich, than another one in Lucerne, Switzerland. Later, she established a healthy practice in New York City before moving to Ojai, California in March of 2004.
Eva was the protégé of Dr. Gutow in Germany. . He dedicated his whole life to finding out the reasons behind all illnesses. He took into account food, drinks, toxic surroundings or materials, homeopathic remedies in too high frequencies, astral positions, divine paths, karmic constellations, spells, entities and energies that block our good to come forth.
Dr. Gutow could access the highest self or spiritual guidance of each person and discovered that Eva had the ability to do the same work that he was doing. Using the analytical test that was developed by Dr. Gutow, Eva could immediately find out which therapy would work for which client. She explains: “It is like a key and a lock. We have to find the right key to unlock our good. Some keys work, some don’t!”
Having been blessed with many teachers, including Nadeen Shatyam , she learned that once you trust your inner voice you become connected to the universal truth and you do not need to look outside of yourself.
Everything is within us when we finally learn to believe it. Her goal is to help you to find and establish that trust in yourself. Having walked the path to self return, she knows how to guide others.
Phone:(805) 646-9399
www.uncoveryour
essence.com
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