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Creating Bridges: Spirituality & Philosophy:
Spirituality in Daily Life:
A Monastic's Mind -
a Talk to New Sangha
Part 3
Tushita Meditation Centre, Dharamsala
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by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron |
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Wishing for Security and Cultivating Renunciation
Q: What about our financial situation? Should we worry about it or not? Should we get a job?
VTC: I have quite strong views about this. When I first ordained, I made a determination that I was not going to put on lay clothes and get a job, no matter how poor I might be. The Buddha said that if we are sincere in our practice, we will never go hungry, and I thought, "I believe that." For many years I was very poor. I even had to ration my toilet paper, that's how poor I was! I couldn't afford to heat my room in the monastery in France in the winter. But since I ordained in 1977 until now, I've never gotten a job and I'm happy about that.
I believed what the Buddha said and it worked. Still, it could be good to have some kind of financial setup before you ordain. If you feel comfortable thinking as I do, do that. If you don't, then work longer before you ordain.
Make sure that you feel really comfortable inside with being poor. If you don't feel comfortable with feeling poor, then don't ordain yet, because chances are you will disrobe later. I don't think it is wise to ordain, and then go back to the West, put on lay clothes, grow your hair and get a job, especially if you are living alone as a monastic in a city. Most ordained people don't make it if they do that because they don't have the joys of ordained life. They don't have time to meditate and study. They're living with lay people, not with a sangha community. They also don't have the "pleasures" of lay life, because they can't go out drinking and drugging after work. They can't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Eventually people feel like they don't know who they are any more, "Am I a monastic or a layperson?" They get fed up and disrobe. This is sad. Rather than get yourself into this situation, I think it's better to wait to ordain until you've saved enough money or until you're able to live in a monastic community.
The Buddha said that we should stay in a sangha community and train with a senior monk or nun for at least the first five years after ordination. We need to build up our internal strength before going into situations that can trigger our attachment. We may feel very strong here in India, but if we go back to the West and dress like a layperson, pretty soon we'll be acting like one too, simply because the old habits are so strong.
Once we're ordained, we have to work with the mind that desires comfort and pleasure. I am not saying that we should go on an ascetic trip. That's silly. But we don't need to have the best this and the most comfortable that. It is extremely important that, as monastics, we live simply, whether we have a lot of savings or a benefactor or not. To keep our life simple, I recommend giving away something if you have gone a year without using it. If four seasons have passed and we haven't used something, then it's time to give it away. This helps us to live simply and enables those who can use the things to have them.
We should not have lots of robes. Actually, in Vinaya, it says that we should have one set of robes. We may have another set to wear when we wash the first, but we consider the second set not ours, but as ones we'll give to somebody else. We don't need more than two sets. We don't need a car, even in the West. We don't need super comfortable furniture or a kitchen packed with goodies. We should just live simply and be content. With this mental state, we won't need much money. But, if we like lots of good food, if we want to go to the movies, buy magazines, and have several warm jackets for the winter, then we'll need a lot of money. But we'll also run into difficulties keeping our precepts.
We also don't want to put ourselves into a position where we become a burden on others and they resent having to take care of us. We need to have some money, but we don't need extravagance. We should wear our robes until they have holes in them; we don't need to get a new set of robes every year or even every two years. We don't need to have the latest sleeping bag or the best computer. We need to learn to be content with what we have. If we have internal contentment, then no matter how much we have or don't have, we'll be satisfied. If we lack contentment, we may be very wealthy, but in our hearts we will feel poor.
We need to think about organizing ourselves and having monastic communities so we can live together without anyone having to work outside the monastery. Living in a community, we support each other in keeping our precepts and in practicing. The problem is that we Westerners tend to be individualistic, and that makes it hard for us to live in community. We like to do our own trip. We ask, "What will the community do for me?" We don't want to follow rules. We want to have our own car and don't want to share things with others. We don't like having to follow a schedule or work for the benefit of the community. We'd rather go to our own room and meditate on compassion for all sentient beings!
But then, when we're on our own, we feel sorry for ourselves, "Poor me. There's no monastery for me to live in. Why doesn't someone else make a monastery? Then I'll go there to live."
We have to look inside ourselves. If we don't want to go through the difficulties of living in a community, we should not complain about not having the benefits of living in one. If we see the value of setting up a community -- for ourselves and others, for the short-term welfare of monastics and for the long-term flourishing of the Dharma -- then if we have to sacrifice something, we'll be happy to do that. Check in your own mind what you want to do. The Buddha set up the sangha as a community so we could support each other in practice. It's best if we can do that. But we have to make our minds happy to live in community.
Relaxing into Structure
Q: Sometimes the structure when we live together makes people tense. How can we be relaxed, warm, and support each other?
VTC: We go through a transition when we learn to live as a sangha community. At first, some things seem strange and other things push our buttons. We have to pause, look at our reactions, and use these situations to learn about our mind.
For example, I've observed that newly ordained people love to sit in front. At public teachings, they put their seat even in front of the senior sangha. They think, "Now I am ordained, so I get to sit in front." But we sit in ordination order, so the new sangha should sit in the back. Often we don't like that.
Or, the sangha has lunch at 11:30, but we don't want to eat that early. We want to eat at noon. Or, the sangha eats in silence, but we want to talk. Or, the other sangha are talking, but we want to eat in silence. Or, they said the dedication prayers at the end of the meal, but we haven't finished (That's what happened to me today!). Our mind gets tense about all of this. Sometimes we rebel against the structure, sometimes we squeeze ourselves to fit in with it. Neither mental state is very healthy. So rather than try to figure out what to DO, we need to pause, look at our mind, and let ourselves relax.
Structure helps us to stop wasting time thinking about many things. When we sit in ordination order, we don't have to think about where to sit. We don't have to worry if there is a place for us. A place will be there. We know where we sit, and we sit there.
In all cultures, eating together is a sign of friendship. Sometimes the sangha can eat in silence, and we can be happy and relaxed when we do that. Other times, when we talk, we can be happy and relaxed and chat together. Try to go with what is happening, instead of having so many opinions about how you would like things to be, or what you think is the best way of doing them. Otherwise, our mind will always find something to complain about. We will spend a lot of time building up our opinions, which, of course, are always right by virtue of their being ours! Structure enables us to let go of all this. We don't have to think about everything. We know how things are done and we do them like that.
Then, within that structure, we find so much space for our mind to relax, because we don't need to worry about what to do, where to sit, or when to eat. We usually think the lack of structure gives us space, but without structure, we often have confusion and indecision. Our mind forms lots of opinions, "How come we are having dal-bhat for lunch, I am tired of dal-bhat. Why can't the kitchen make something else?" Given a choice, our mind will be dissatisfied and complain. But if we get used to eating whatever we're given, then we'll be happy.
Of course, the structure should not be so tight that we can't breathe. But my experience with Western sangha in the Tibetan tradition is that too much structure isn't our problem.
We get to know the people on either side of us very well when we sit in ordination order. One time I remember thinking, "I don't like the person on my right because she is so angry. I don't like the person on my left because she has such a stubborn personality." I had to stop and say to myself, "I will be sitting by these people for a long time. Whenever I attend a Dharma gathering, I'll be sitting between this one and that one, so I'd better get used to it and learn how to like them."
I knew that I had to change, because that is the reality of the situation. I couldn't say, "I don't want to sit here. I want to go and sit near my friend." I had to change my mind, appreciate them, and learn to like them. As soon as I started working on myself, the relationships with them changed. As the years go by, we develop a special relationship with the people we sit near, because we see each other grow and change.
When I got ordained, the Western sangha was basically a group of hippie travelers (some having previously had a career, some not). Do you have any idea what we were like? Now I look at the same people, and see individuals with incredible qualities. I have really seen them grow. It's heartening to see people work with their stuff and transform themselves, to see their strong determination, and to see the service they offer to others. It's important that we appreciate each other. Now when I look up and down the line, I see people with many good qualities and rejoice. This one is a translator; that one does a lot to help nuns; this one paints, that one teaches.
Gender Issues
Q: Since I have taken ordination in the Tibetan tradition, I feel that I am not just a monastic. There is also an issue about being a woman. We become monastics, but as nuns we are not equal any more. We become inferior to men and monks.
VTC: Yes, I feel this as well. To my mind, this situation is not healthy for the Buddhist community as a whole or for the individuals in it. I lived in the Tibetan community for many years and didn't realize until I went back to the West, how much the view of women in the Tibetan Buddhist community had influenced me without my knowing it. It had made me lose confidence in myself.
I felt so different in the West. Nobody would look at me strangely if, as a woman, I was in a leadership role or asked questions or voiced my thoughts in a debate. For me, returning to the West was healthy. It was good for me to be in a more open society. There is space there to use my talents.
The situation of women in the Tibetan community has changed in the last twenty years. I believe much of this is due to Western influence and to Westerners asking questions, such as, "Buddhism says all sentient beings are equal. Why don't we see women doing xyz?"
As Buddhism goes to the West, it is essential that things are gender equal or gender neutral. I am shocked that in some of the prayers used by the fpmt, it still says "The Buddhas and their sons." Gender-biased language like this was deemed unsatisfactory twenty years ago in the West. Why are Buddhists, and especially Western Buddhists who are aware of gender discrimination, still using it? There is no reason we should use gender-biased language. That needs to change.
In addition, monks and nuns need to be treated equally and to have mutual respect for each other. If we want Westerners to respect the Dharma and the sangha, we have to respect each other and to treat each other equally. I've seen some monks behave as if they were thinking, " Now I am a monk. I'm better than the nuns. I can sit in front of them at teachings. I can tell them what to do." This is harmful for the monks' practice, because they develop pride, and pride is an affliction that prevents enlightenment. Having gender equality is good not just for the nuns, but also for the monks.
Q: I noticed when interacting with Western monks that many of them have an attitude, "Oh, you are just a nun." I was utterly shocked as well as disappointed in them. I don't buy into their attitude.
VTC: You should not buy into it, and neither should they! Interestingly, I've noticed that almost every Western monk who had the attitude, "I am a monk; I am superior to nuns," has subsequently disrobed. All the ones who put me down and said, "In the lamrim one of the eight qualities of a good human rebirth is being a male," are no longer monks. The ones who were arrogant and sat in front and made deprecating remarks about nuns have all disrobed. It's clear that kind of attitude did not benefit them. It was an obstacle in their own path, and it also makes Westerners lose faith in the Dharma. When monks go on that kind of trip, know that it is their own trip. It has nothing to do with you. Don't lose your self-confidence and don't get mad at them. If you can point it out in an appropriate way, do that.
Being a raging feminist in the Tibetan community doesn't work. The monks will completely discredit you. Be respectful. But that does not mean that you lose your self-confidence or suppress your talents and good qualities.
Don't become obsessed with the gender inequality. I had an interesting experience that helped me to see my own attitudes. Whenever tsog is offered at the main temple, monks offer the large plate of tsog to His Holiness, and monks pass out the offerings. Many years ago, when I was there, I thought, "It's always the monks who offer to His Holiness. It's always the monks who pass out the offerings. The nuns have to just sit here and watch." Then I realized that if the nuns were offering tsog to His Holiness and passing the tsog out to everyone, I would say, "Look, the monks just sit there, and we nuns have to do all the work!" When I saw how my mind thought, I just let go.
We did not become monastics for status, so pointing out gender inequality is not an effort to gain status or prestige. It's simply to enable everyone to have equal access to the Dharma and to enjoy equal self-confidence when they practice it. It's good for all of you - monks and nuns - to be aware of this. It's good that we can talk about it openly. People go on all sorts of trips, and we have to learn to discriminate what is our responsibility and what is coming from the other person. If we see that it comes from another's arrogance or dissatisfaction, recognize that it's their trip. It doesn't have to do with us. But if we provoked or antagonized someone, we have to own up to it and correct ourselves.
We Don't Need to Become Tibetans
Q: When you just ordained, did you feel pressure to become Tibetan?
VTC: Yes, I did, There were not many Western monks or nuns when I ordained, so I used the Tibetan nuns as role models. I tried very hard to be like the Tibetan nuns. I tried to be extremely self-effacing, speak softly, and say very little. But it didn't work. It didn't work because I was not a Tibetan nun; I was a Westerner. I had a college education and a career. It wasn't appropriate for me to pretend to be this little mouse in the corner who never talked. The Tibetan nuns now, over twenty years later, are a bit more forthcoming, but they are still quite shy.
I tried to adopt Tibetan manners, for example covering my head with my zen when I blew my nose. But I had allergies, which meant that I would spend a great deal of time with my head under my zen. It didn't work for me to copy Tibetan manners. Now Tibetans realize that Westerners blow their nose without hiding it.
We are Westerners and that's fine. Working cross-culturally, like we're doing, makes us look at things we would not normally be aware of if we were only with people from our own culture. We have lots of cultural assumptions that we don't recognize until we live in a culture that does not have those assumptions. The dissonance makes us question things. We become aware of our internal rules and assumption. This is advantageous, for it makes us ask, "What is Dharma and what is culture?" Sometimes, when our teacher does something that we don't think is right, we can see it's because we have different cultural customs or values. It's not because our teacher is wrong or stupid.
We don't need to change and try to act or think like Tibetans. It's fine for us to be Western. His Holiness says, "Even if you Westerners try to be like Tibetans, you still have a big nose." We don't need to become Tibetan, but we should tame our minds. We also should be courteous when we are living in another culture.
Responding to Criticism
Q: How do you react when lay people tell you that you are not keeping your vows purely?
VTC: If what they say is correct, I say, "Thank you very much for pointing that out to me." If what the other person says is right, we should thank them. If what they say is not correct, then we explain what is correct. If they tell us to do something against our precepts, we don't do it. But if they remind us of how to act, we say, "I was not being very mindful. Thank you for pointing that out to me." Whether they do it with a good or a bad motivation is of no concern to us.
We should help each other on the path. In the Vinaya, the Buddha emphasized this a lot, and, in fact, this is one reason why he had monastics live together in communities. Community life is important because in it, we support each other as well as correct each other when we make mistakes.
Our Western ego finds it difficult to be humble and accept others pointing out our faults. We often lack humility, the first quality of a monastic's mind, and are proud instead. We have the attitude, "Don't tell me I made a mistake! Don't tell me to correct my behavior!"
Yet, to be a successful practitioner, we have to make ourselves into a person who values being corrected. We have to learn to accept people's suggestions. Whether others give advice in the form of a suggestion or a criticism, for our own good we need to be able to listen and take it to heart. Aren't we practicing Dharma because we want to change our mind? Did we ordain so we could remain the same, stuck in our old ways? No, of course not. We did this because we sincerely want to improve. So if somebody points out to us that we were being careless or harmful, we should say, "Thank you." If they tell us that we weren't acting according to our vows, we should think about what they are saying and see if it's true.
Q: But what if they say it right in your face, publicly?
VTC: Where are we going to go in the world where nobody will criticize us? Let's say we're in a room and we only let people who are nice to us in that room. First we start off with all sentient beings. Then we throw this one out because he criticized us, then that one because she thinks we're wrong, then this one because he doesn't appreciate us, and pretty soon we are the only one in the room. We have thrown out all sentient beings, because none of them treated us right. Then will we be happy? Hardly. We have to have tolerance and patience.
When people announce our faults publicly and we feel humiliated, we should make a determination never to do the same to anyone else. We must behave skillfully, and if we have to correct somebody, we should try not do it publicly. Nor should we do it privately in an aggressive or hard-hearted way.
Respecting Western Sangha
Q: Could you say something about the fact that some Westerners value Tibetan monastics and teachers more than Western ones?
VTC: Unfortunately, this happens. Usually racism in the West is against Asians, but in the spiritual area, it is different and they are more highly respected. So Western sangha and Dharma teachers experience the result of racial prejudice.
It's incredibly important for Western sangha to respect other Western sangha. If we ourselves have the attitude, "I'm only going to the teachings of Tibetans because they're the real practitioners," or "I'm only going to listen to the advice of Tibetan teachers because Westerners don't know much," then we aren't respecting our own culture and won't be able to respect ourselves. If we don't respect other Western sangha, we won't feel worthy of respect ourselves.
I meet some people who think, "I will only listen to what my teacher says. He is a Tibetan geshe or a Tibetan rinpoche. I am not going to listen to elder sangha, especially Westerners, because they are just like me, they grew up with Mickey Mouse. What do they know? I want the real thing, and that's only going to come from a Tibetan."
If we think like that, it will be hard to respect ourselves, because we will never be Tibetans. We are Westerners this whole life. If we think like that, we will miss out on a lot of opportunities to learn. Why? We don't live with our teachers, so our teachers do not see us all the time. Our teachers usually see us when we are on good behavior. Our teachers sit on the throne; we come in. We are dressed properly, we bow, and we sit down and listen to teachings. Or, we go for an interview with our teacher and sit at his or her feet. We are on our best behavior at those times. We are sweet, helpful, and courteous. Our teacher doesn't see us when we are in a bad mood, when we're bossy, when we're sulking because we were offended, or when we're speaking harshly to others. Our teacher won't to be able to correct us at these times because he or she doesn't see them.
But, the sangha that we live with sees all this. They see us when we're kind and also when we're crabby, when we're gracious and when we're grouchy. This is why living in a community is valuable. The elder sangha are supposed to take care of the juniors. The elders point those things out to us. It is their responsibility to correct the juniors with kindness.
This kind of learning is invaluable. Don't think that learning the Dharma just means listening to teachings. It also involves letting ourselves be corrected and learning from the mistakes we make in daily life encounters. It means learning to support and help other sangha members with compassion.
Q: I was thinking more about how the lay community sees Western monastics.
VTC: They follow what they see us do. That's why I first talked about us respecting other Western sangha. If we show respect to older Western sangha, the lay people will look at us and follow our example. If we only respect the Tibetan sangha, geshes, and rinpoches and treat Western sangha and teachers poorly, Western lay people will do exactly the same. So if we want to change the situation, we have to begin with our own attitude and behavior towards Western sangha.
Initially, I received very little support from Westerners. I think part of it was because I had a racist attitude thinking only Tibetans were good practitioners. I've since learned that's not true. Some Westerners are very sincere and dedicated practitioners and some Tibetans aren't. We have to look at each individual.
As we practice, we develop some qualities that people see. Then they are more willing to support us. Supporting Western sangha is a topic that Western laypeople need to be educated about. This is one reason why having monasteries in the West is important. When people support a community, the money goes to benefit everybody in the community -- seniors, people with qualities, and new people who haven't developed lots of qualities but who have strong aspiration. The support will be shared equally. If support goes only to those who have practiced for a while, then how will the newly ordained live? If support only goes to teachers, what do people do at the beginning when they don't have the ability to teach? What happens to the people who don't want to teach but have many other talents to offer?
In addition, it's good if we sangha share amongst ourselves. I don't believe it's healthy for everyone to have to support themselves. Then we get classes of sangha -- those who are rich and those who are poor. The rich ones can travel here and there for teachings. They don't have to work in Dharma centers because they can support themselves. The poor ones can't go for teachings and retreat because they have to work in a Dharma center just to get food. That is not right.
This needs education in the lay community and in the sangha community. The main thing is that the more subdued we become, the more laypeople will value what we do and the more they will like having us around. But if we act like them -- going to movies, going shopping for this and that, listening to music -- then they rightly say, "Why should I support that person? He is just like everybody else."
Q: In Holland they tell us to be "good" so that people value and support us. But I am very new, and that obligation puts a lot of pressure on me. How do I come to some balance?
VTC: It's no fun being uptight, is it? If we are happy and relaxed inside, then naturally our actions will be more pleasant. If, through our practice, we are able to work with our garbage, we are more centered. We don't have to try so hard to be "good." We don't have to squeeze ourselves into what we think others think we should be. Just be sincere, do your best, admit when you make a mistake, and learn from it.
Many of our precepts regard what we say and do, because it is easier to control our body and speech than to control our mind. Sometimes our mind is not at all subdued. It's boiling because we're furious with somebody. But in those situations, we remember our precepts, and think, "I might be angry inside, but I can't just blurt everything out. That's not productive. It doesn't help me, the other person, or the community. I have to find ways to calm myself, and then go to that person and discuss the issue with him." At the beginning of our practice, we aren't very subdued, but if we practice lamrim and thought transformation, gradually our emotions, thoughts, words, and deeds will change. Then people around us will think, "Wow! Look how much this person has changed. She acts so much more subdued before. She's so much kinder. The Dharma really works!"
I don't believe that, generally, people in Dharma centers think that the sangha has to be perfect. We do our best. Sometimes we have to explain, "I'm a beginner. I slip up, but I am trying."
It's helpful to look inside and see which of the three poisons is the big one for us. Is it ignorance, anger, or attachment? Whichever is your big one, work principally with that.
For me it was anger. I wasn't necessarily a person who yelled and screamed. But I had a lot of anger inside, and it came out in all sorts of other ways. Just because we don't blow up, it does not mean that we don't have a problem with anger. Sometimes we get so angry that we don't talk to anybody. We go in our room and won't communicate. We leave the center or the monastery.
Work with whichever negative emotion is the chief one that afflicts you. Apply the antidotes to it the best you can. Also, be aware of what you say and do, so that even if you can't control your mind, at least you try not to disturb others too much. If we do lose it and spew our garbage all over others, we should apologize afterwards. When we have the confidence to apologize, we have gotten somewhere in our practice.
Thank you all very much. You are incredibly fortunate to have received ordination, so really treasure it and be happy monks and nuns.
Let's sit quietly for a couple of minutes. Think about what we have discussed. Then let's dedicate.
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Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron,
Buddhist Nun, Teacher, Author
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Thubten Chodron (Cherry Greene) graduated with a B.A. in History from UCLA in 1971. After traveling extensively in Europe, North Africa and Asia, she taught in the Los Angeles City School District did post-graduate work in Education at USC.
In l975, she attended a meditation course given by Ven. Lama Yeshe and Ven. Zopa Rinpoche, and subsequently went to their monastery in Nepal to explore Buddhism. In l977, she was ordained as a Buddhist nun.
Chodron studied and practiced Buddhism of the Tibetan tradition under the guidance of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and other Tibetan masters for many years in India and Nepal.
She was the spiritual program director at Lama Tzong Khapa Institute in Italy for nearly two years and studied three years at Dorje Pamo Monastery in France. For two years she was resident teacher at Amitabha Buddhist Centre in Singapore, and for ten years she was resident teacher and spiritual advisor at Dharma Friendship Foundation in Seattle.
She currently is co-founder of Sravasti Abbey at Liberation Park in USA. Ven. Chodron has taught Buddhist philosophy, psychology and meditation worldwide.
Her books include:
Open Heart, Clear Mind; Buddhism for Beginners; Working with Anger; Taming the Monkey Mind, and Blossoms of the Dharma: Living as a Buddhist Nun.
Active in interfaith dialogue, she also does prison work. Ven. Chodron emphasizes the practical application of Buddha's teachings in daily life and is especially skilled at explaining them in ways easily understood and practiced by Westerners.
www.thubtenchodron.
org
www.sravastiabbey.
org
www.dharmafriendship.
org
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