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Swami Beyondananda
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Humor: Notes from the Trail |
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*Wake Up Laughing --
But For Goodness Sakes, Wake Up!
Dear Swami
“Where Swami answers your questions, and you will question his answers."
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by Swami Beyondananda
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Dear Swami:
How do we shift Western culture away from causing global warming?
Helen Highwater,
Annapolis, Maryland
Dear Helen:
Well, the first thing is we have to shift our lifestyle from things that cause more global warming to things that reduce it. So I propose a slogan: "Global warming just ain't cool." I see a cartoon where Mother Earth has the hand of a young boy, who is pointing longingly at a brand new Humvee, and she is saying, "I'm sorry son, but your mother just can't afford that right now."
Meanwhile, we have to take on the mission to "re-grow the Garden from the grassroots up" and begin to plant the green things that will help transform carbon dioxide into oxygen. Like trees. They are rooting for us, you know. And -- back to lifestyle -- we need to make a new fashion statement that the Earth can wholeheartedly agree with. No more of this close-cropped brush cut. The Earth is ready to grow her forests long again.
Finally, we must deal with the issue of overpopulation, and I think I have the answer: multiple personalities. Think about it. When you cram two, three or even a dozen personalities into one body, think of how much less food we'd need, not to mention the extra space. It's just mathematical logic: If we had more multiple personalities, we'd need fewer people!
Dear Swami:
As a citizen concerned with the war on terror, I’m beginning to wonder if our President is really keeping us safe from those Islamo-fascists he talks about. Not that I’m questioning his judgment or anything, but -- well like that bumper sticker says, we seem to be making enemies faster than we can kill them. Can you offer us some reassuring words, Swami?
Newcombe Gladleigh,
Norfolk, Virginia
Dear Newcombe:
Assuredly, I bring reassuring words. Our President -- with the help of Congress -- has now struck at terrorism at its very source, and his strategy is remarkably clever and simple. For years now, the President has been telling us over and over again, “The terrorists hate us for our freedoms.” So what better way to thwart those terrorists than removing the very thing that sparks their hatred -- our freedoms? Just last month the President and Congress passed legislation which now gives him the power to detain any American citizen indefinitely who he deems to be “aiding and supporting terrorists.” And since, he has already proclaimed that anyone who isn’t with him is against him, well that makes it pretty clear, doesn’t it? With our freedoms just about removed, we now have no reason to fear terrorism and are now free to devote our full attention to fearing anti-terrorism.
Dear Swami:
I just heard a rumor that you have uncovered the secret of being young again. If this is true, then you have the answer people have been longing for -- well, for as long as longing has existed. Please enlighten us!
Diane Wither,
Sun City, Arizona
Dear Diane:
The answer you seek has been with us as long as the ancient Vedas, but now can be revealed to all. As Bob Dylan didn’t quite say, “You don’t need a veda-man to know which way the wind blows.” So, here is the secret to being young again ... and again ... and again: Reincarnation!
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Swami
Beyondananda,
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Swami Beyondananda is the alter ego of author, comedian and teacher Steve Bhaerman.
In his previous life, Steve has been an educator, author and publisher. The co-founder of an alternative high school in Washington, D.C., Steve is the author of No Particular Place to Go: Making of a Free High School (Simon & Schuster, 1972) and Friends and Lovers: How to Meet the People You Want to Meet (Writer's Digest Books, 1986).
He was an adjunct professor at Wayne State University and University of Michigan, and published his own magazine in southeastern Michigan, Pathways.
For the past 16 years, he has been writing and performing comedy as Swami Beyondananda.
The Swami is author of Driving Your Own Karma, and Duck Soup for the Soul. He is also the founder of the Right-To-Laugh party, and rumor has it he will toss his turban into the ring and launch a run for President this April Fool's Day.
To find out more about the Swami, and how you can promote healing laughter and transformational comedy through the Laughmore Society and the Right-To-Laugh movement, go to
www.wakeuplaughing.
com
or call Swami’s hotline:
1-800-SWAMI-BE.
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