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Astrologer's Notes: |
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A Synastric Consultation
part 2
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by Basil Fearrington |
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John and Jane sat before me. I explained that one of the keys to a happy, fulfilling relationship is that any and all self worth concerns are managed. As well, I explained that each person needs to be able to share a vision of life, to be able to see a distant horizon that they mutually agree on and lastly, that each person understands and is willing to support the other person in their bid to fulfill needs.
Keying on Jane’s horoscope first, I explained to John that she has a major, major issue with trust that she has not yet come to grips with, due to the events connected to her father. John interrupted, “What events?”( I thought, “uh-oh)!” Jane said that they would talk about it later. John responded, “We are here to find out about us. What events connected to your father? Were you raped or something?” To take the heat off of Jane a bit, I explained that her father had been unfaithful to her mother and that she has reacted to that by kind of seeing her father in all men when it comes to relationships.” John responded, “So, what…..you don’t trust me? How come I am finding about this now?” Sensing a huge argument, I said, “John, we are here to understand things. Let’s try and do that, okay?” He crossed his arms in front of him, a classic defensive posture that suggested many things to me. Above everything, it was very surprising that Jane had not shared these very major feelings with the man she planned to marry.
Jane
Continuing, I said [to John] that “the issue with trust is Jane’s problem, not yours. She understands what the repercussions of this issue are. But it is important for you to know that the issue exists because it is the key to why she requires extra attention and recognition. Her friendships are going to be super-important in all of this. Do you understand?” The arms were lowered and he said that he understands and is willing to do what
it takes. I reiterated that it’s not his job to “make” Jane secure, that that is her job and it’s just important for him to understand and know about it.
John
Turning now to Jane, I explained that John has a very strong individualistic need that he has not yet realized. “There is going to come a time in the future when he comes into this tremendous individuation need. What we have to talk about here is what happens to your issues with trust when John begins to pay more attention to John because it is tough for marriages to survive tremendous individuation bids unless there is security and TRUST. He will need the space to be the individual that he was meant to be and you can’t take it in a personal way. Loving him means accepting his growth and not taking his need for individuation in a personal way.” Jane responded, first with a pause, “…..I’m not going to lie. I will probably get a little insecure. I mean, I need attention. When I don’t get it….I don’t know….it’s tough.” I added, “…..and you see….these are the kinds of things that are important to consider.” Jane added, “Someone told me that you can tell a lot about relationship potential when you compare the planets in two horoscopes to each other. Have you done that?” “Jane, the horoscope isn’t what’s going to be insecure when John grows into himself. The horoscope isn’t what may become upset when you express a distrust of John when he has to work late on consecutive nights. We are talking about real world stuff here. The symbols on the paper tell us what the real world stuff may be or may become but it is up to the humans to make things happen. The horoscopes can’t do that.”
It was clear to me that Jane was having doubts about the potential of this relationship and was looking to have astrology provide her with some security. She was not really ready or willing to manage her trust issue. She was looking for astrology to say that the marriage would make her insecurities go away.
“Jane, aside from you, what do you think is the most important thing in John’s life?” She responded, “Oh, that’s easy. It’s his mother.” I added, “….and you two get along well?” She said they did. I asked her if she saw any parallels or similarities between herself and John’s mother. She responded, “I don’t think so. We get along very well but I am not anything like her.” I added, “You are right. John’s mother is very important to him and his development in ways that are beyond the norm. In our private discussion, John suggested that he sees you almost as a mirror reflection of his mother; that her acceptance of you means everything to him (my hand movements, facial expressions and voice tone were intentionally suggestive). John’s horoscope suggests that there is a very strong maternal influence in his life. Are you willing for her maternal influence on him to become a part of your life, too?” Jane responded in a laugh, “Well, that won’t happen. She wouldn’t do that and John wouldn’t let it.” I asked, “…but if it did?” She responded, “We couldn’t have that. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. There is nothing wrong with a strong influence coming from a parent when you are a kid but adults getting married, planning a life together…..parents have to be left out of the equation.”
I asked John what he thought about Jane’s comments; “John, will this maternal influence stop on the day of the marriage?” He responded, “Jane is right. Mother will always be important but neither of our parents should be allowed to interfere with our lives. However, I don’t know how I can just forget about what she has taught me, you know?” I reiterated that as his need for individuation grows, so should the maternal influence. We all agreed that the effects of “mother-in-law syndrome” can be devastating on any marriage.
Summary
In the 90 minutes or so of consulting, we addressed all of the tough areas of consideration. In my opinion, this couple was marrying for the wrong reasons and was not at all ready for marriage. I told them that it would be wise for them to experience more time together and see how things feel AFTER Saturn transits their Venus’s (I did so by outlining the period of this occurrence, not by mentioning the words, “Saturn” or “transit.”)
It is not the astrologers place ever(!) to make a relationship decision for a couple or an individual unless the question is about timing. It is irresponsible to look at the symbols on a piece of paper and allow them to supercede human will. Scores of people work through what astrology has to say about inter-horoscope contacts. The decision should always be left to the individual. As the astrologer, it is your job to help the person understand what their needs, strengths and insecurities appear to be by way of the horoscope and to illuminate same in the partner.
In this case, I avoided talking about the traditional connections such as his Saturn conjunct her Mercury and the all-important square relationship between Uranus in her horoscope and Mars in his, which so suggests disruptive, argumentative concerns. There are many astrology software programs that will compare the connections between horoscopes and print out paragraphs about the possible meaning. There is no human dynamic in that kind of discussion. That is a discussion about what we expect to happen when planets interact with each other, not about human dynamics. What I am suggesting is that anyone can do that. But if you want to really be helpful in synastry, you must have a firm grasp on how to get to the core concerns of an individual horoscope and bring those concerns out in a discussion with a person. You, then, do same with the other person and you have a group discussion with everything on the table, just as you’ve seen in this essay. In my opinion, focusing on the inter-relationships between horoscopes doesn’t begin to be helpful because it is almost impossible to enter into a personal romantic relationship, successful or not, without some outstanding tie or two between horoscopes. The ties are the symbol of that which attracted the two of you, not a gauge of whether or not the relationship will last. You will never be able to see relationship durability in horoscopes.
I can think of how a synastric counseling session would have been handled with, say, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Her horoscope is full of issues and his is practically all charisma, charm, and sexuality. He is very strong where she is very weak, especially when it comes to sexuality. In a pre-marriage discussion, the idea would be to first get them to admit it individually and then talk about it openly. They would need to talk about how they would handle it, etc.
At the end of the day, your ability to really be effective in synastry depends on how much you know about life and not just astrology. Relationships are life-circumstances, not astrological occurrences.
Happy counseling!!!!
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Basil Fearrington,
Astrologer
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Basil Fearrington is the author of "The New Way To Learn Astrology." He has been a professional astrologer for 22 years.
Basil's articles have appeared in the leading astrological publications around the world. He was the Inaugural Chairman for the MilleyDome project in Johannesburg, South Africa and taught astrology there for one year.
Basil has twice been a faculty member of UAC and spoke at Astro 2000. In addition to his work in astrology, Basil is a professional musician who has toured with and/or recorded for artists such as Stevie Wonder and George Benson.
He was on a team of composers who did the music for a network show called "New York Undercover." The same team won a Grammy award in 1980.
basilfearrington@
Yahoo.com
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