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Creating Bridges: Spirituality & Philosophy:
Spirituality in Daily Life:
Love and Compassion
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by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron |
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What is the difference between compassion and pity?
Compassion is the wish for all sentient beings to be free from suffering and its causes. Like love, this is generated on the basis of seeing everyone's happiness and suffering as equally significant. Whereas there is a power differential in the case of pity, none exists when we have compassion. With pity, we see ourselves as being superior and with condescension and false care, have pity on those who we consider inferior to us. Compassion, on the other hand, is very direct and equal. Suffering is to be removed no matter whose it is, and if we have the opportunity to help in a small or large way, we will.
For example, when we step on a thorn, our hand reaches down, pulls it out, and bandages the foot. The hand doesn't say, "Foot, you're so stupid! I told you to watch where you're going, but you didn't. Now I have to fix you up. Don't forget that you owe me a favor!" Why doesn't the hand "think" like this? Because the hand and the foot are part of the same organism, and they help each other naturally and without thinking. Similarly, if we consider ourselves part of the same organism of all sentient life, we will reach out to others as if they were us. That is the type of compassion we try to develop through practice.
What about loving ourselves and having compassion for ourselves?
Caring for ourselves is important. Buddhism doesn't talk about neglecting ourselves in the name of compassion so that we become a burden on others and they have to take care of us. Rather, we have to love and take care of ourselves in a healthy way, not an obsessive way. We must keep our body clean and take care of our health. We must keep a happy attitude, so that we can, in turn, give to others with good will and cheerfulness. Loving and having compassion for ourselves doesn't mean indulging our every wish or holding ourselves first. If we care about every small thing that happens to us and make a big deal about every emotion we feel, we will become too sensitive and too easily offended. This will make us more miserable. Self-obsession and self-love are very different.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, "If you want to be selfish, be wisely selfish. Care for others!" If we are self-centered and ignore others' concerns or place them second to our own, others will be unhappy. We, then, will live in an unhappy environment, which will impede our own happiness. If we care for others, they are happy and then where we live has a good feeling, which in turn helps us to be happy. In addition, actions motivated by self-preoccupation plant negative karmic seeds on our mindstreams, ripening in unpleasant experiences for us, while actions motivated by genuine care and concern for others create good karmic seeds, which will bring about happiness for ourselves.
The determination to be free from cyclic existence and to attain nirvana, which is the first of the three principal aspects of the path (the others being the altruistic intention and the wisdom realizing emptiness), means having compassion for ourselves. Not wanting to continue suffering in cyclic existence, we develop the aspiration to be free from it. That type of compassion for ourselves is necessary for our own spiritual progress. It also is a prerequisite for generating compassion for all other sentient beings.
What is the difference between being attached to other people and loving them? Why is attachment problematic?
In Buddhism, attachment is defined as an attitude that exaggerates other people's good qualities or projects good qualities that aren't there and then clings to these people. With attachment, we care for others because they please us. They give us presents, praise us, help, and encourage us. With love, we want sentient beings to have happiness and its causes simply because they are living beings just like ourselves. When we are attached to others, we don't see them for who they are and thereby develop many expectations of them, thinking they should be like this and they should do that. Then, when they don't live up to what we thought they were or should be, we feel hurt, disillusioned, and angry.
When we love others, we don't expect anything in return. We accept people for who they are and try to help them, but we aren't concerned with how we'll benefit from the relationship. Real love isn't jealous, possessive or limited to just a few near and dear ones. Rather, it's impartial and is felt for all beings.
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Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron,
Buddhist Nun, Teacher, Author
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Thubten Chodron (Cherry Greene) graduated with a B.A. in History from UCLA in 1971. After traveling extensively in Europe, North Africa and Asia, she taught in the Los Angeles City School District did post-graduate work in Education at USC.
In l975, she attended a meditation course given by Ven. Lama Yeshe and Ven. Zopa Rinpoche, and subsequently went to their monastery in Nepal to explore Buddhism. In l977, she was ordained as a Buddhist nun.
Chodron studied and practiced Buddhism of the Tibetan tradition under the guidance of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and other Tibetan masters for many years in India and Nepal.
She was the spiritual program director at Lama Tzong Khapa Institute in Italy for nearly two years and studied three years at Dorje Pamo Monastery in France. For two years she was resident teacher at Amitabha Buddhist Centre in Singapore, and for ten years she was resident teacher and spiritual advisor at Dharma Friendship Foundation in Seattle.
She currently is co-founder of Sravasti Abbey at Liberation Park in USA. Ven. Chodron has taught Buddhist philosophy, psychology and meditation worldwide.
Her books include:
Open Heart, Clear Mind; Buddhism for Beginners; Working with Anger; Taming the Monkey Mind, and Blossoms of the Dharma: Living as a Buddhist Nun.
Active in interfaith dialogue, she also does prison work. Ven. Chodron emphasizes the practical application of Buddha's teachings in daily life and is especially skilled at explaining them in ways easily understood and practiced by Westerners.
www.thubtenchodron.
org
www.sravastiabbey.
org
www.dharmafriendship.
org
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