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Creating Bridges: Spirituality & Philosophy:
Water For The Dry Sponge
Chronicles and Essays
By Shaun Brown:
Coming up for Air
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by Shaun Brown |
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We are entering a new Renaissance~ Lately it seems that we have been blessed with the ‘outing’ of a lot of people that either have an addictive personality, and the challenges that go with it, or we are the individuals involved with them. I say blessed because education IS power and the more we understand those challenges the better we, as likeminded people, can be of service. I hope you find this piece insightful and enlightening regardless of what your circumstances.
When it comes to facing the possibility of changing an unhealthy lifestyle one of the hardest challenges is the backwash of people you leave behind. Once you have decided to get real and replace the negative destructive behavior with a new positive behavior the only thing that will change is everything. The people closest in your life usually the family system: siblings, parents and sometimes your children are faced with a changing of the guards. You have become an alien to them and what has happened?
What can happen, even once the discovery has been made that you are not on course, are years and years of watching oneself being pulled back under the current. Those currents are familiar negative habits that are habituated in 85% of all families. It is procured in the forms of control, shame and crazy making with no end. This dynamic is not a big plan by everyone to do harm, it’s just what most folks were raised with and tend to pass on~ it’s familiarity. I was drowning.
In my family system, I was the designated poster child for recovery as if there was something wrong with it. You clean up your act because of them and in spite of them. It’s kind of like living in parallel worlds. The world you were raised in: dysfunction and the world you are trying to create: function. It’s kind of like reaching the top of the oceans surface so you can feel the sun on your face, take a long, deep breath and exhale. It’s kind of like birth.
The person most resistant to my new change was my mother. She was the hold out and bastion of “the way it was.” This is not a Mom bashing. She came from the depression era where there really was lack. And I know on some level her need to want to pull me back under was her way of saying, “Stay here with us at least it will be familiar.” For this alcoholic that’s like saying stay here with the rest of us and die in misery.
Mom has taught me all she knows and with my recovery there has been healing. I also learned how to become a spiritual adult as I continue taking baby steps to be around her with a more open heart. Energy Anatomy mentor Caroline Myss states that the people in your life, that are the biggest pains, are your biggest teachers. All I can do is pray for the right action to take, and then the next right action in my relationship with her. I now stand on her shoulders as she tries to support me in what she doesn’t understand so that I can reach the surface. My sadness is that she will probably always stay submerged. I pray for us both to find a healing ground in which we can one day come out of the water and dry out on the warm sunny rocks together.
Recovery for me has been slow, like taking one swimming lesson after another. At first it was the extreme dive, I hated every one and everything thing and it was all “their” faults. After a number of years of realizing it was all about my choices and learning how to find balance~ by treading water~ I got off of the high dive. My moment of clarity came when I finally KNEW I would be dead if I drank one more drop. Most people with my disease don’t usually dance into the rooms of AA and proclaim their sovereignty. It usually comes with a choice of meetings or jail time, death or rebirth. Little did I know what a gift this would be in those first few months when I was raw and crispy fried.
I have learned to stay alive and stay in recovery by becoming willing. Placing myself in front of teachers, mentors and guide’s that showed me how to find my way to the top. I became teachable and cultivated one small seed of gratitude~ There was also a new system where I became more aware of how I wanted to treat others and be treated. That new system started to feel familiar. The more I learned not to engage myself in the under currents of difficult life situations including my family system the higher I was able to continue to swim towards the Light.
My sustained recovery is absolutely a result of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is called anonymous because if someone flaunts the recovery time they have and goes out drinking again it can reflect on the soundness of the AA program. It has given me a God of my understanding one that I can commune with and give my troubles too. Gratitude and a full rich life are gifts that have been given to me with out question. Most days I start out at the surface by practicing meditation, I am able to take a big breath and when I feel a downward pull I have the discipline to start over again. I get to live another 24-hour moment of time and hope there are many more.
As a species we are evolving, and as I have more years of recovery under my belt I can see that changing my old behaviors into the new ones has affected my son. The next generation. While raising Justin I told him that I knew I was screwing him up and when he grew up I would pay for therapy! He has taken that advice here and there and the offer stands true for the future if need be. He is the most important factor in this family equation because he will carry on what he has learned. I hope I have given him the green flag to know that it is ok to explore who he is. If nothing else I hope he will find this new dynamic familiar.
I believe we have been given choices and that one of our reasons to be in this life is to create a happy, healthy one. By choosing sometimes the tougher, not as comfortable path, sitting in meditation, telling our truth even though it can shake up those around us, we build a much stronger foundation inward. When we choose to try, set an intent to be a better person, not be afraid to risk and not be perfect, make mistakes or at least we perceive them to be~ we get real. If no one ever took risks to create because they were un-comfortable or at the time it felt scary, then there would be no music, dance, writing, politics, laws, no on-line shopping, no Shaun writing this column or no society built on the promise of try.
The feeling one gets when shedding fears, no matter what that definition is for someone, coming up for air, becoming more real, is all worth the process of getting there. To stay in the zombotic mode and be a bottom dweller negates the whole point of being alive. Once I decided to stop diving back into the cesspool of familiarity by drinking fermented sugar (which my body has an extreme allergy towards), my life has gotten really good!
To connect with Spirit with a clear mind and heart is the ultimate “high,” the feeling of bliss I have always sought. It feels like I have awakened from a dream or more like a nightmare. Becoming sober was the result of myself joining with a group like me. I started cleaning my emotional house with a trusted mentor. Also acting as if I was worth more than the demise ahead that drinking would surely hand me. Today I no longer have to fake the worthiness mantra because it has been replaced with a solid foundation. This I know for sure.
This past thanksgiving I was the cook for my family members. A few days before I had been praying for humility and the need to feel closer to others and was excited about everyone’s arrival. There were pots and pans moving and shaking; the table was set. I was making a sauce that sometimes requires a splash of sherry. The sherry in my fridge had been there for quite awhile. So without even a thought I opened the fridge door, popped off the cork, took a sip to see if it was still good and promptly poured the rest of the nasty sherry down the drain.
I had pretty much finished cooking the faire, my guests had arrived and as we sat down, with the candles lit, and the prayers said, I said a silent one for my soul. In that prayer I asked God to please not let the craving begin~ that can happen with the allergy of alcohol. The evening passed and we had a wonderful meal that wouldn’t have happened if I had gotten drunk. Also if things had gone wrong all of the trust built between my son and I would have vanished.
The next morning I thought about my behavior and what it means to be a member of AA~ you’re not supposed to drink. Hmmm, I thought to myself yesterday afternoon I had a sip of sherry, really crappy sherry but nonetheless I had to consider that behavior a deal breaker. So the next day, after I worked, I found myself in a meeting. Many of my old friends were there~ of course. And after 17 1⁄2 years clean and sober I raised my hand and said I had one day.
The ramifications were pretty obvious as some friends came to my defense~ one sip? Are you sure? As I kept my story brief to the people in the room I did joke, that if I had really planned it well, I would have had a good bottle of pinot noir! We all got a good laugh with that because everyone in the room was thinking the same thing.
The breath of life is integrity. For me it was more about the behavior than the action. This is what you learn in a program of recovery~ you recover! I was once told that integrity is what you do when no one else is looking. This is one of those times when it was between God and me. Or maybe I have learned that it is always between God and me.
I felt at peace and gratitude that, it’s ok to start over on any project even if it is your life, if what you’ve learned in the past counts. Practicing all of these years of recovery I have learned finally how to swim, with my head above the water constantly feeling the sunlight of the spirit on my face. That is Priceless. I feel as if I am a new soul beginning a new chapter. And also my prayers of humility were answered. I wouldn’t particularly advise anyone to pray for humility unless you want to go deeper into your interior really fast. It certainly came to me in an unexpected way, however the sweetness I feel, the more compassion I feel for others, makes me really know that God does work in mysterious ways and for that I am Greatful.
As we enter this new Renaissance~ rebirth of classical learning and knowledge we have been blessed to experience more openness, honesty and the willingness to talk about our non-perfections. Because you see, the more real you are, the more real it gives others permission to be. BeWell my peeps~ what I know for sure is that you are never more loved than you are loved at this very second. Sit still, be still and come up for air!
Until next time
Shaun
BeWellPublications.com |
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Shaun Brown,
Author, Speaker,
Columnist
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Shaun Brown has been self employed most of her adult life. She has an AA degree in General Business and a Bachelor of Arts Degree from California State University, Sacramento, in Communications.
Her main focus of education is in advertising, promotion and production. Ms. Brown began writing music 1971 and has continued to unfold as a writer in many other directions since that time.
Her best selling book is based on the course: "Create A Successful Holistic Business." She has authored two books on the subject and is actively involved in teaching workshops in N. California. Her holistic business articles are published in several national holistic magazines, and she has a successful holistic practice in Orangevale, California.
To find out more about Shaun’s books and workshops visit her on-line at
www.BeWellPublicatons.
com.
BeWell!
Shaun Brown
BeWellPublications.com
916) 988-4322
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