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Creating Bridges: Spirituality & Philosophy:
Water For The Dry Sponge
Chronicles and Essays
By Shaun Brown:
Success vs. The Saboteur
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by Shaun Brown |
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Do you have your own business? Do you want to? Do you have a fear of success or failure? This is the question I ask the students in my workshop, who are already in or are looking at the possibility of becoming self employed. I want them to think about what they want in their business and how they’re going to get there. As creative types, we can really get absorbed in the “doing” of our craft, but get bogged down in the nuts and bolts of creating the foundation that supports that craft.
Creating a successful business is the most important challenge we, as artists, will face. Checking your personal motives for success sets the tone and direction that your business will go in. In other words, is the work you want to do a passion for truly helping others and healing yourself? The passion is what will get you through the wrinkles. The more you create a healthy, happy, abundant, business the more folks will be attracted to you.
Success to me is making a living; making a difference and staying on center. When first starting out, you may be new at meditation and eating well or you have been a veteran on the holistic path for lifetimes. The question is, “Are you happy?” Do you believe you deserve being happy and successful? Have you set the intent to be of Service? These questions can be really daunting but important to ask yourself. No one starts out as a honed craftsman. There is no right time to know enough or be enough to start~ the time is NOW.
Motives
I have witnessed a lot of holistic therapists that stay in business for about a year and after sharing their gifts with their family and friends, they have no idea how to venture out and start the flow. They eventually retreat from their original plan of having a business and let their saboteur convince them that “you must not be very good, people aren’t flocking to your door.” This perception cannot be further from the truth! It is not a question of your talent it’s just that there is some participation required to be successful! Having a successful business is like putting on a theatrical show, the easier it looks, the smoother it goes, the more preparation and practice the better. The show becomes a hit and people share the good experience with others.
The Saboteur in Action
If you haven’t already guessed, I want to talk about our friend the saboteur. The reason I say friend, is that when our saboteur shows up it gives us an opportunity to look at and explore why there is a part of us that says, “You aren’t going to make it.” Whose voice is that really? I bet if you sit still and ask, you will see that the voice isn’t you.
Success is mirrored by a return response from others because you have exhibited a consistent, positive, behavior and they want more. Sabotage is a set up for failure by giving consistent non-desired behavior. Here is a true story that describes exactly what I mean. See if you can pick out the saboteurs’ red flags that keep this therapist in a mediocre cycle. She keeps changing “healing” professions about every 2 years because she just hasn’t found the “right one.”
I was between massage therapists, they tend to move or go out of business about every 1-1⁄2 years. A friend of mine gave me the name of a woman that she heard was good. Yes! So I called the therapists number and left a message on her voice mail. Because, I had gone out to dinner with a friend, I had asked the therapist to call back my voice mail and leave me her rates and a good time to reach her.
That evening while checking my messages, ‘Jane’ had returned my call and answered none of the questions, but gave me another number to reach her, it was her home phone number. I called that right away, thinking I better schedule soon, if Jane was that good she is probably really busy. Her phone rang and some old lady, that didn’t identify herself, answered the phone, “Hello?”
Now I have to play the asking game again. Once with the original voice mail, once through asking for her via her mother who then yelled for Jane, and once when Jane got on the phone in person because again there was another, “Hello?” As advice~ try to answer the phone in person, state who you are on your voice mail and that you check your messages frequently including the specific hours you can be recalled.
When Jane came to the phone I thanked her for calling back within a few hours, which by the way, is an absolute. I asked her, yet again for her rates, she told me what they were. Thinking they were a bit high there was a pause in my voice. She picked up on that and said, “Is that too much? Well I’m really good, what can you pay?” True story folks. I told her I was looking for maintenance and did she give a break in price if I committed? She said yes, but I could tell by her voice it was begrudging.
To negotiate prices, at that point, indicated to me that she was hungry for business. Do not waver about what you charge, own it or look at why you are uncomfortable and immediately want to renegotiate your prices when someone asks you to state your rates on a call back or in person.
So I scheduled an appt. at 10am on a given date. I was excited and couldn’t wait to receive. I showed up at 9:50, I figured 10 minutes early would give her plenty of time to talk with me, see what my needs were, fill out a medical form, that kind of stuff. I patiently waited in the waiting room and finally at 10:10 a sweating, portly, disheveled woman came blasting through the front door, schlepping an armful of wrinkled sheets. My heart sank. She breezes past me as she went to unlock her massage room door, looks back at me and says, “Oh hi, what was your name again? I’ll be right back.”
Not remembering the name of your scheduled client is obviously not ok. My boundaries have become stronger now, I should have just left, but at that point in time I was still worried about hurting someone’s feelings. I also was dying for a massage. So I waited for her to come and get me.
She opened her office door, stuck her head out, and motioned me to come in. As I entered her massage room, it was chilly from not being heated ahead of time. As I stepped into the room I waited for her next cue. Usually a therapist points you in the direction of a chair and a place to leave your things. There was none of that, she just looked at me and said, “Take off your clothes and get on the table.” Well then. So I said, “Is there a medical form?” She said, “No I’ll just ask you questions as I go if I need too.” Hmmm, I wonder if she would have wanted to know if I had AIDS or had just had heart surgery??? Neither illness had befallen me, but knowing someone’s medical condition ahead of time is of critical concern. Not taking the time to listen to the needs of your client and not having a medical form is really bad medicine. So, at that time, being the spineless wonder that I was, I took off my clothes and got on the table.
Jane proceeded to give me a great massage, but it made me really wonder if all of her clients had to put up with this much turmoil and unprofessional attitude just to get bodywork. As she continued, I asked her if she had time to extend the session, she said yes. I thought to myself well even after all of this struggle to get to this point, maybe I would reschedule because after all, she is really good, she knows what she is doing.
Jane was a plus size gal, as it was, and had leaned onto me a few times with her chest and stomach. She had smelly armpits and bad breath, but I was enduring because she was so good. Just about that time, as I lay on my stomach, I felt a cold drip on my back and I am thinking to myself-aromatherapy how cool? And then reality hit me, she was dripping sweat from her brow onto my back. Now I am feeling like I am paying for Japanese water torture and wondering how to get out of this because she had extended the session as I had asked. I endured until she finished, then she just walked out, no good-bye, blessing, brushing off of the body, no indication that we were finished.
When there is no closure at the end of a session by the therapist it feels like something is missing~closure! I got dressed and waited for her to come back in the room so I could pay. After a few minutes I finally stuck my head out into the waiting room. She was talking to the next scheduled client about how she was sorry that she was late. I made a gesture for her to come back in and as she did I paid her and left. As I walked out of the building the next scheduled client glared at me and I knew I had been blamed for Jane’s’ scheduling conflict. Yuck!
This is clearly an example of a talented artist however her down fall was how she felt about herself, because we treat people like we want to be treated. I was as much involved in the fray as she by not saying something at the time. Her low self-esteem (esteem means “to value”) had gotten the best of her. A few days later she called and asked if I wanted to reschedule? I told Jane that I felt she was very unprofessional and couldn’t even begin to tell her what a poor experience I had had. I also told her that her bodywork was great and that she could learn a few shifts in her presentation and become very successful. That suggestion fell on deaf ears. I was under-whelmed to say the least. Never call a client back unless you are concerned about their health, it appears really needy, and usually is. If you are great they will remember to reschedule.
She had stated that she was a “healer.” Wow, as if that is something special and an excuse to be sloppy, late and not present. Well, we are all healers, the ones that earn a living are the ones that take the time to expand their inner growth, address their personal issues, plan ahead, AND are waiting and prepared for their client when they arrive. Jane had a huge fear of success as she played the victim she seemed to be getting a pretty good payoff: stuck in self-abuse. The saboteur behavior not only gave her permission to abuse herself but also gave that permission to others who wanted to participate in that cycle. Staying on this track Jane will never become a viable citizen in the healing arts.
Several months later Jane showed up in a local holistic group I was networking with, she mentioned to the group that she was starting a new holistic business~ again. If we don’t deal with the saboteur and raise our self-esteem, the saboteur will keep showing up. That dynamic will continue to create self-abuse until the decision is made to stand up for yourself, claim healthy boundaries and face the dragon that always turns out to be made of paper anyway. The funny thing is no matter where you go there you are.
I have since found a wonderful massage therapist who respects my time, has clear boundaries and takes care of my “temple” with developed and disciplined skill. Now, looking back on the Jane experience it was priceless and pretty funny. It was also a perfect example of everything I don’t want to go through to get a massage or any service offered by any professional ever again.
The public puts up with this type of dysfunctional behavior because they don’t know there is a difference. But once a client finds you, the professional that honors themselves and runs a smooth business, they will reschedule and become permanent loyal clients. My core clients are scheduled through the year because I have learned to teach people how I want to be treated. I have also attended many years of therapy, hypnotherapy and counseling. Letting go of my saboteur was hard but paid off. Sometimes my saboteur shows up, but only for a short visit. Funny how once you start taking care of yourself healthier people start showing up in your life as well.
Be kind to yourself, make a list of ten things that yourself really likes to do. And then lace these things in your planner, one per week. Always leave time for fun and pleasure. People are cranky usually because they are not having fun. Step back and take a detached look at what you think you look like or how you think others see you. You can only heal as much as you are healed.
Show up to yourself first thing in the morning with meditation and prayer; show up to your client by being early and prepared. See your therapist or Mentor regularly. List your prices up front and own what you charge by having materials such as a brochure with a menu. The easier it appears to look, when one arrives at a business, the more intentional thought was put into it. How will you be of Service?
If you want more information, concerning how to create a really healthy business/life style and want to fast track your way to success, “Intentional Success,” the complete workbook, is available and can be purchased on Amazon.com
Until next time~
BeWell!
Shaun
BeWellPublications.com |
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Shaun Brown,
Author, Speaker,
Columnist
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Shaun Brown has been self employed most of her adult life. She has an AA degree in General Business and a Bachelor of Arts Degree from California State University, Sacramento, in Communications.
Her main focus of education is in advertising, promotion and production. Ms. Brown began writing music 1971 and has continued to unfold as a writer in many other directions since that time.
Her best selling book is based on the course: "Create A Successful Holistic Business." She has authored two books on the subject and is actively involved in teaching workshops in N. California. Her holistic business articles are published in several national holistic magazines, and she has a successful holistic practice in Orangevale, California.
To find out more about Shaun’s books and workshops visit her on-line at
www.BeWellPublicatons.
com.
BeWell!
Shaun Brown
BeWellPublications.com
916) 988-4322
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