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Swami Beyondananda
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Humor: Notes from the Trail
*Wake Up Laughing --
But For Goodness Sakes, Wake Up!
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Dear Swami
“Where the Swami answers your questions, and you will question his answers.”
by Swami Beyondananda
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Dear Swami:
My mind never ceases its dialogue and is always asking questions. I'm wondering if you have a secret method that can end all questions? I seemto be trapped in a mental feedback loop.
Helen Teheven,
Midland, Texas
Dear Helen,
First of all, you can be thankful for one thing. Your problems are all in your mind! Therefore, the solution is simple. If you want to stop the constant dialogue, you must go out of your mind and into your heart. The best way to do this is to gather all the thoughts in your head in one intense ball of tension, and then release these rapidly while breathing out: “Aaa-a-a-a-a-ah!” The “ah” sound is specifically related to the heart, and the process of sighing -- particularly when there is a sizable sigh -- allows maximum release. This isn’t my idea, by the way. I learned it years ago from Sigh Baba, who was also known as “The Wizard
of Ahs.”
Of course, given the way the mind works you will find questions creeping back into your consciousness. No problem. Just remember that it takes two to dialogue, so don’t answer them. Before long, the questions will stop and you will begin to hear answers instead. Now you’re getting somewhere! Still, to clear the mind and transcend thought completely requires constant vigilance, especially nowadays where information seeps in from everywhere. No wonder so many of us are suffering from truth decay! That’s why four out of five transcendentists recommend mental floss. That’s what I do. Anytime I feel the effects of too much thinking, I place my thumb and forefinger about six inches from each ear and gently move it back and forth like I’m flossing. No better way torelease excess flossophy, and go from the static of the head to the
ecstatic of the heart.
Dear Swami:
I fear I may be one of those people susceptible to road rage. As a daily commuter, I am confronted by idiotic driving all the time -- generally on the part of other drivers. I find myself screaming invectives, and being not at all peaceful. When I’m able to finally calm myself, I realize that there seems to be a disconnect between my spiritual understanding of things, and my reactive impulses. Any advice?
Berndt Hoffering,
Waukegan, Illinois
Dear Berndt,
Your letter shows wise judgment. Any time an internal impulse becomes anexternal out-pulse, it is time to pay attention. The first step? Don’tgive your power away by making someone else responsible for your wellbeing. Instead of shouting, “You are an inconsiderate so-and-so!” take responsibility. Instead say, “Why did I create an inconsiderateso-and-so like you in my life?”
Now granted, you are going to have strong feelings when another vehicle cuts you off. So instead of cutting yourself off, it is completely appropriate for you to express yourself fully. The trick is, to keep your inner peace peaceful even when your outer peace is in pieces. You are probably already familiar with the peace mantra, to be uttered anytime any situation threatens your peace: “Ahhhh ... PEACE on it!”
If you still feel compelled to hurl invectives, that’s no problem either -- as long as they are loving invectives. Given the circular nature of the universe and the law of karma -- that whatever you put out in front of you will eventually come around the back and smack you in the butt --you want to make sure you send only blessings out there. So instead of throwing “f-bombs,” toss a bless bomb instead. “Hey, you blessing mother-blesser, go bless yourself! You could have blessed me over real good, you dumb bless! They shouldn’t let bless-ups like you on the road,you bless-head!”
It will be a better world indeed when angry drivers roll down their windows and shout, “Bless YOU!” and hear the other driver answer, “Well
BLESS YOU TOO!”
Dear Swami:
I notice you do your State of the Universe Address each year, and you can’t possibly use everything in this one address that you’ve thought about. What do you do with the extra material?
Tex Stedditt,
Vorr, Texas
That’s easy. I serve them as laughed-overs throughout the rest of the year.
© Copyright 20087 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Swami
Beyondananda -- and his hilarious books and CDs -- can be found online
at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/ Or, call (800) SWAMI-BE for a free
catalog.
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Swami
Beyondananda
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Swami Beyondananda is the alter ego of author, comedian and teacher Steve Bhaerman.
In his previous life, Steve has been an educator, author and publisher. The co-founder of an alternative high school in Washington, D.C., Steve is the author of No Particular Place to Go: Making of a Free High School (Simon & Schuster, 1972) and Friends and Lovers: How to Meet the People You Want to Meet (Writer's Digest Books, 1986).
He was an adjunct professor at Wayne State University and University of Michigan, and published his own magazine in southeastern Michigan, Pathways.
For the past 16 years, he has been writing and performing comedy as Swami Beyondananda.
The Swami is author of Driving Your Own Karma, and Duck Soup for the Soul. He is also the founder of the Right-To-Laugh party, and rumor has it he will toss his turban into the ring and launch a run for President this April Fool's Day.
To find out more about the Swami, and how you can promote healing laughter and transformational comedy through the Laughmore Society and the Right-To-Laugh movement, go to
www.wakeuplaughing.
com
or call Swami’s hotline:
1-800-SWAMI-BE.
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