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Astrologer's Notes:
AstroDPsychology:A Synthesis |
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Couple Compatibility |
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by Glenn Perry, Ph.D., MFT |
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I recently read a request in a newsletter from a Vedic astrologer who wanted the birth data of couples in order to conduct a study on relationship compatibility. The gist of his hypothesis was that there is a "karmic connectivity" between couples that can be determined on the basis of "mutual sign linkage," by which I assume he means that certain signs connote karma between couples from past lives. Sign parameters governing compatibility are "given" in Vedic texts, he says. "Favorable factors of synastry" are indicated by planets of one partner being placed "positively" in the chart of the other. The underlying assumption (and this is certainly not unique to Vedic astrology) is that there are specific positive and negative combinations of compatibility that enable astrologers to reach "concrete conclusions" about the fate of couples.
He goes on to state that "unfavorable factors in a particular union" will cause certain couples to come together merely to get rid of old debts from past lives, which is why "some unions end disastrously or simply linger on painfully." In other words, these relationships go badly not because of inherent, psychological problems and limitations in the respective partners, but because the couple has an old debt to work out from a previous incarnation.
The foremost thing in advising individuals about their prospective relationships, he says, is to determine which of several suitors is destined to be the life partner, and what is the future destiny of that partnership - "fortunate or unfortunate". Of course, it is futile to match someone with the best possible person if "he/she is not destined for that." The presumption here is that the astrologer can assess from the chart whether someone is destined to be permanently unhappy in relationships, in which case the doomed lover is a lost cause and no amount of good advice will alter "the pattern of destiny." Whereas some astrological factors assure that people are tied together for a "good and fortunate outcome," other factors indicate that the couple ties the knot "just for exchanging pain."
Personally, I find this all somewhat troubling. Although I am not prepared to say it isn't true, I think we need to exercise extraordinary humility and caution when advising individuals about their relationships or the suitability of potential partners. The great seduction of astrology is that horoscopes do indicate a probable fate in various areas of life, such as love and marriage. The notion of an inborn fate naturally invites speculation as to probable causes. If one believes in reincarnation, which is taken for granted in the east, then a logical conclusion is that one's fate has been earned on the basis of past deeds in past lives.
I have no problem with this line of thinking. My concern is with the presumption that such causes and effects can be known merely by looking at the chart of the prospective couple. One of the more destructive myths of both ancient and modern astrology is that the chart makes the person; or, in the case of couples, the synastry determines the outcome of the relationship. My position is that there is no way of knowing the level of consciousness of a person or couple merely by looking at the chart. If a couple has a Neptune square Venus cross-aspect, they may suffer through lies and treachery of multiple affairs. Yet, this same cross-aspect in another couple may indicate a mutual commitment to relationship as a spiritual discipline that requires compassion and forgiveness. The first couple's relationship is dissolved in acrimonious divorce, whereas the second couple merely dissolves their defenses against loss and opens to the passion of undefended love.
As a marriage therapist and astrologer who has been working with couples for nearly thirty years, I can attest that it is not possible to predict from horoscopes how couples will approach the challenges they invariably face. In my opinion, to presume that one knows how a relationship will turn out, or whom a person should or should not marry merely on the basis of the chart, is an example of hubris in the extreme. I realize that this is a common practice in the east where marriages are traditionally arranged. However, just because an astrological practice is old does not make it valid; and it certainly does not make it wise. Please understand I am not criticizing the practice of arranged marriages. I am questioning the assumption that astrologers, whether eastern or western, can speak authoritatively on who someone should marry. And I am challenging the assertion that we can reliably predict the outcome of any particular marriage.
I find it slightly humorous when Vedic astrologers start throwing around terms unfamiliar to us English speaking dolts -- 'rashi, rina-anubandhan, sripathi bhava, and navamsa --and suddenly our critical thinking shuts off; we become entranced into believing that some great, ancient wisdom is bubbling up from a divine well to quench the thirst of spiritually impoverished western souls. I suspect the reverse is true in the east. If we infiltrated their astrological community and claimed a superior astrology based on western science, no doubt multitudes of Vedic practitioners would become true believers. We are a fickle lot.
In working with couples, just as with individuals, I notice that "attitude" is the critical factor in how an astrological challenge will be met. Some couples approach problems with the attitude that anger and conflict should be avoided at all cost. If one person's Mars opposes the other's Moon, this type of attitude is likely to result in "gunny sacking," i.e., grievances are repressed out of awareness, only to appear later in a toxic emotional atmosphere between the couple. This can lead to passive aggression, sarcasm, covert hostility, and a host of other noxious behaviors. However, if a couple believes that conflict and anger is an unavoidable and even healthy consequence of relationship, then this same cross-aspect may symbolize an emotional aliveness between the couple that leads to greater clarity and enhanced sensitivity. This couple will approach conflicts with courage and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Soft aspects between couples are certainly no assurance of marital bliss. They can easily lead to passivity and pseudomutuality -- i.e., lack of differentiation, superficiality, and general unconsciousness. In such cases, eroticism evaporates rather quickly and soon the couple may find themselves enjoying their gin and tonic more than each other. Hard aspects, on the other hand, may lead to the kind of conflict that produces spirited discussions, mutual growth in awareness, and a deepening of one's capacity for intimacy. Again, the critical factor is attitude.
As astrologers who are often called upon to answer questions pertaining to relationships, I think it is terribly important that we do not become inflated with our presumed knowledge. As one wise person said, "the problem is not what we don't know; it's what we think we know." Presuming to know whether a relationship is likely to be "fortunate or unfortunate," telling people who is their "best partner," or claiming to know that a couple has come together "just for exchanging pain," may make the astrologer feel supremely important, but it can be extremely damaging to the client. With this kind of astrology, the most you can be is right. Whether or not you have helped the client is another matter entirely.
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"Astrology is a religion inasmuch as it reveals the anatomy and psychology of God."
~ Manly Palmer Hall
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Glenn Perry,
Ph.D., MFT
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Glenn Perry, Ph.D., MFT
Doctorate in Clinical Psychology
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Director of the Association for Astrological Psychology
Board Member of the International Society of Astrological Research
Glenn Perry lectures and conducts workshops throughout the world on the application of astrology to the fields of counseling and psychotherapy.
He has written four books, including "Essays In Psychological Astrology," and teaches classes in Astro-Psychology at various colleges on the west coast.
Information on Glenn's books, tapes, and on-line mentorship program can be obtained at:
www.aaperry.com.
E-mail: aaperry@attbi.com
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