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“How beautiful it is to do nothing and then to rest afterward”
Spanish proverb
February is the month of love. It’s Valentines Day, where we send gifts, flowers, or cards to the people we love. It’s seems like society gives us all permission to gush over the people who mean something to us. Well, I have a new twist on this holiday - what about if, along with declaring your love for the people you care about, that we take the same amount of energy and care that we give to others and direct it towards ourselves? Wouldn’t it be great to have cards, flowers, and love songs about you, from you...to you?
In all the women’s workshops and retreats that I lead I find that the most common quality that people are looking for (myself included) is giving ourselves permission for so many aspects of our lives. Permission to rest, to feel our feelings, to acknowledge who we are and what we have done, to accept our bodies (regardless of the cellulite, wrinkles, “perfect” weight), to allow ourselves to feel truly worthy and accepting of ourselves. Bottom line: to really love ourselves. As women we are so used to putting our energy outside of ourselves, giving to our kids, husbands, friends, but feeling guilty if we stop and take the time for us. A favorite title for one of my retreats is called “A Woman’s Time Out.” Just hearing that title for some women makes them take a huge sigh of relief and they sign up on the spot, not even caring about the details of what we will do - they just hear the call of rest and relaxation and come running!
The main thing I have seen for myself is this feeling that I always need to be in a state of “doing.” I don’t know exactly what I am supposed to be doing, but there is this pressure to always look like I am busy and accomplishing something. I grew up in Hollywood, California, where the sun was always shining, the weather was always warm, the people always looked young, tan and blond, and the whole society seemed like it lived in a perpetual state of “doing-ness.” It wasn’t until I moved away from that frantic pace to Northern California, that I started to unplug and find my own rhythm. I am still aware of that urge to be busy, but now I have new insights and tools to help me.
One of the main insights I discovered for myself was learning about the seasons and the natural way of life. Nature is an amazing teacher, and if we can just follow her ways she can teach us so much. When I look at the year calendar, it shows us that spring is when things are popping out; it’s fresh, new, a time of beginnings. Summer is when things are at the hottest, most passionate, when those projects or seeds we planted are fully coming to fruitation. Fall is when we have our harvest, when things are starting to come to the end of their cycle, leaves are starting to turn different colors and fall off the trees. And winter is the time to go inside, to stop, to look, to listen, reflect and start planting seeds of what is next in our soul’s consciousness.
Right now as I am writing this, it is December. I have allowed myself the gift of going inside, of stopping, of not thinking of business, and simply resting. Although there are still some business things I have to do, I am allowing myself the gift of time to reflect and see how things feel, to ask myself the questions of what do I really want to do, be, and have in this next year. December is a very interesting time. We are asked to be so
“outside” of ourselves - going to parties, shopping, being with a lot of people. I think that is why so many of us get a little irritated or depressed during this time - we are going against our basic nature to be quiet and still. When I think of the best Christmas gift I can give myself, the ultimate self care gift, it is this time of being alone, just me and my thoughts.
I don’t want to paint a picture that I am laying around all day just staring at the clouds going by and feeling at total peace about all of this. To be honest, it is a challenge. There is a part of me that will chime in with negative thoughts like “who do you think you are, you need to make money, accomplish something, if you stop everything will go into the toilet!!!” There are also a few people in my life who don’t quite understand this need for stopping. I have heard a few comments about losing career momentum, appearing flakey, being lazy, etc. All I know is this...how can I continue to build a house if my foundation is not secure and sturdy? To take this time, to get off the treadmill and do inquiry about all the aspects of my life, feels life changing. I used to just take about ten days in December to have this quiet time. Now I have moved it up to about two weeks. Maybe next year I will feel comfortable to do more.
So I ask you, how can you allow this month of love be about you? What specific small steps can you take to nurture and care for yourself? If you were to stop and be still enough to hear, what questions do you need to be asking about your life and the direction that you are going? I invite you to send yourself a love letter, or flowers, or chocolate, and declare this Valentine’s Day a day of self-love.
Waiting
Chant words & music: Phil McFugh
Waiting Words: Karen Drucker & Rev Karyl Huntley
Music: Karen Drucker
Chant: It’s not in trying but in trusting.
It’s not in running but in resting.
It’s not in wondering but in praying,
that we find the strength of the One…
Chorus: I am waiting, waiting, I allow myself to wait. (2x)
The sky is dark, the days are cold.
It’s the time of year to go deep inside,
and know that the light will come again.
But for now, I rest, and I listen.
* Chorus *
My life’s been moving way to fast.
I need to stop and take a breath,
to see what my heart wants me to do.
So for now, I rest, and I listen.
* Chorus *
I allow myself to wait. I allow myself to stop,
I allow myself to rest. I allow myself…
From the Karen Drucker CD; “Beloved”
Available at www.karendrucker.com and I-tunes
©TayToones Music BMI 2012
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