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Creating Bridges: Spirituality & Philosophy:
The Contemporary Family and Divine Guidance:
Protecting Family Time in Today’s Busy World
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by Lisa Blackwell |
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In my mid-thirties, I worked for two women who had risen up the corporate ladder to positions with influence and broad responsibility. I admired these women and hoped that I would follow in their footsteps to someday obtain my own impressive title and large staff. Being ambitious, I always dreamed of running things, being in charge of creating wonderful products and ideas. I had been socialized to think this way by my parents, college professors, and co-workers since my very first job out of college.
I dutifully accepted and completed assignments until my work days had stretched to more than 15 hours a day and part of my weekends. I didn’t have time to talk to my friends, relax with my husband, or pursue any personal interests such as exercising or writing. I thought that if I just did as I was asked, my recognition would come and I would be given my own staff to help with the overwhelming workload. However, the more work that I completed, the more work I was assigned. I felt pressured and scared that I would be viewed as a failure if I couldn’t keep up with what was being asked of me.
Even though both of these women had spouses, they had allowed their career hunger to make them become married to their jobs. One manager had a day and night-time nanny and basically never saw here children and husband. The other placed career advancement above building a family and waited too late to have children which she desperately wanted. I thought it strange that they didn’t want to spend more time at home but slowly, I was letting them push me into the same situation. With a complaining husband and persistent insomnia, I finally realized that the situation was not right for me. The stress to constantly complete assignments under unreasonable deadlines was causing me to have memory loss and a high-level of anxiety. Even when I was in a social situation or relaxing at home, my mind was always circling around the next assignment that I had due.
My husband became distant and eventually left me. The devastation of the separation and eventual divorce caused me to realize that I had to draw boundaries with authority figures to protect the balance in my life. They kept right on with their deadlines and goals while I suffered through the guilt and embarrassment of my failed marriage.
After consulting with a workaholic expert, I realized that people in authority positions who are overly driven may be trying to compensate for their personal insecurities by overwork, causing you to become one of the casualties. When the damage is done to your life, I learned these very same people will not take responsibility for the fallout from broken marriages or troubled children. They will just keep chasing the next career goal and you will be left to reconstruct the tatters of your life alone.
What this situation taught me is that you have to be strong enough, confident enough to sometimes say no to a person in authority if they are being unreasonable. Just because people are “in charge” that does not mean they are skilled at managing their own life much less yours. You can’t and shouldn’t use them as a template for your own life. You just work for them and that’s it. You have to have enough faith in your past successes that you are sure you that God would provide for you despite any career reprimands that misguided authority figures may impose on you. Now when I look for a job, I interview the manager as well as them interviewing me. I want to know they have mastered the art of having a balanced life. I want to see signs that they have family and friends that they care about spending time with since those values are also important to me. The title and size of their department are irrelevant to me and my desired quality of life. These days, I am much happier because I have specifically chosen jobs that may be non-glamorous but allow me to spend quality time with my family and friends. Now, when the occasional person compliments my skills and suggests that I pursue a higher-level position that will have me overcommitted and stressed out, I now have the wisdom to smile and let their opinions go in one ear and out the other.
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Lisa Blackwell,
Author/Balance Coach/Certified Change Agent
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A former executive coach and professionally certified change agent, Lisa Blackwell has helped thousands of female executives enrich their lives and boost their performance by identifying and removing non-fulfilling activities.
To do so, Ms. Blackwell draws upon her 14 years of expertise, having served on countless leadership teams during the rollouts of major initiatives that require extensive culture changes within top Fortune 500 companies.
Lisa Blackwell currently writes short stories and non-fiction to highlight the quality-of-life struggles of working women. Her work has been published in Innerchange Magazine and Makeshift Magazine.
Her latest work is the self-help guide Are You a Mule or a Queen?
email: lisa@muleorqueen.com
Web:
www.muleorqueen.com
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